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Ask the LifeQuake Doctor Advice Column

Friday, July 3rd, 2009

LifeQuake™

Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor

Dr. Toni Galardi

Dear Dr. Toni:

I am an entrepreneur who was doing quite well in my business until last year. I know I need to give up the freedom I’ve had in my career and get a job, but every time I think of letting go of my business, I get a panic attack. I don’t want to go on medication. I’m afraid that if I see a doctor, that is what he/she will recommend. Can you suggest the best way for me to handle the stress and chaos I am experiencing during this career transition?

Terrified in Toronto

Dear Friend:

Before you can resolve the outer decision about your business, it is important to learn how to quiet the mind and the nervous system so that you can access your inner wisdom.

When we are at peace within, not only are we able to get to our gut intuition, but we can open to a universal intelligence. Albert Einstein spoke about the idea that there is an unlimited force in the universe that we can tap into for answers. Here is an exercise from my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon and The LifeQuake Method CD that can help to calm your brain and nervous system to allow for greater access to creative solutions.

Re-patterning Your Blueprint Meditation

Read the exercise in its entirety first. Sit or lie down comfortably in a position that supports your entire body. If you’re on the floor, put pillows under your knees. If you’re sitting, make sure your back is supported and your feet are touching the floor.

Now close your eyes. Breathe in to the count of five, and then out to the count of five. With each breath you take, feel yourself becoming more deeply relaxed. Now allow your awareness to move to the top of your head. Begin to experience your radiant light energy entering the top of your head. This begins the recognition of your full potential self. With each breath you take, set the intention of allowing this light to enter your brain.

Continue breathing in and out. As you breathe in now, allow your entire brain to be bathed in this light. If you find it easy to visualize, see it gently entering into the top of your head and permeating the entire circumference of your brain. If visual imagery doesn’t come readily for you, simply allow for a feeling to emerge as light enters into your crown and surrounds your head. This light is imprinting a new pattern into the neuropathways of your brain. Now allow this light to expand and spread through your entire nervous system. You don’t have to know how to do this. Just breathe it in with your intention.

Now breathe the light deeply into the front of your head, relaxing your temples and forehead. As you breathe in and out, your body goes even deeper into relaxation. Next allow the light to permeate and embrace your jaw, relaxing it. Keep focusing your breath into each body part, allowing for a gentle softening and release.

Now move to your neck and your shoulders. With each breath you take, this radiant healing light releases all tension, replacing it with a deep sense of harmony and balance.

Now move to your chest. Allow this radiant light to move into your lungs. Breathe in and out. Next move into your heart, filling it with light. As you do this, set the intention that your innate intelligence is transforming every cell of your body, releasing any and all past programming based on fears of the unknown. Repeat the following: It is now safe to change. When I make changes that are authentic, I always win. I can trust myself to move forward into the unknown.

Return your focus to your heart and ask to be shown a symbol that represents an answer to any question you have about making changes now. When the symbol appears, ask to be shown its message. What is the next step?

Now take another extra deep breath into your heart. You’re now releasing the structure of your old life with positive expectancy. A new behavioral groove is developing. Throughout the day ahead, if you experience fear, you can automatically take a long, deep breath, relaxing your body. You can now ask for guidance from universal intelligence, listen to the message, and act in accordance with its wisdom. If you don’t hear anything, set the intention that the answer will come spontaneously at another time. Just know that you are now imprinted with this new pattern as you deal with stress.

Now bring your awareness back to your heart, placing both hands over it. This is your anchor. From now on, when you place your hands over your heart, it will center you and allow you to use your breath to soften and receive. With daily practice, this will allow you to adapt more easily and effortlessly to both expected and unexpected change. You now make changes and resolve conflicts much more rapidly because you are in the flow. As crises present themselves, you now access solutions through a nervous system that has been programmed for adaptability. You respond with humor and lightness to what would have once triggered fear of loss. You’re now spreading this light to every person you meet. At the end of the day, experience yourself feeling more balanced. You can close with this affirmation: I am now at peace. I am now in deep gratitude. I experience the world as the same. And so it is done.

Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor

Dr. Toni Galardi

Dear Dr. Toni:

Terrified in Toronto

Dear Friend:

Before you can resolve the outer decision about your business, it is important to learn how to quiet the mind and the nervous system so that you can access your inner wisdom.

When we are at peace within, not only are we able to get to our gut intuition, but we can open to a universal intelligence. Albert Einstein spoke about the idea that there is an unlimited force in the universe that we can tap into for answers. Here is an exercise from my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon and The LifeQuake Method CD that can help to calm your brain and nervous system to allow for greater access to creative solutions.

Re-patterning Your Blueprint Meditation

Continue breathing in and out. As you breathe in now, allow your entire brain to be bathed in this light. If you find it easy to visualize, see it gently entering into the top of your head and permeating the entire circumference of your brain. If visual imagery doesn’t come readily for you, simply allow for a feeling to emerge as light enters into your crown and surrounds your head. The key is to have the intention of receiving your full potential self. This light is imprinting a new pattern into the neuropathways of your brain. Now allow this light to expand and spread through your entire nervous system. You don’t have to know how to do this. Just breathe it in with your intention.

Now move to your neck and your shoulders. With each breath you take, this radiant healing light releases all tension, replacing it with a deep sense of harmony and balance.

Now move to your chest. Allow this radiant light to move into your lungs. Breathe in and out. Next move into your heart, filling it with light. As you do this, set the intention that your innate intelligence is transforming every cell of your body, releasing any and all past programming based on fears of the unknown. Repeat the following: “It is now safe to change. When I make changes that are authentic, I always win. I can trust myself to move forward into the unknown.”

Now bring your awareness back to your heart, placing both hands over it. This is your anchor. From now on, when you place your hands over your heart, it will center you and allow you to use your breath to soften, receive rebalancing, and adapt. With daily practice, this allows you to adapt more easily and effortlessly to both expected and unexpected change. You now make changes and resolve conflicts much more rapidly because you are in the flow. As crises present themselves, you now access solutions through a nervous system that has been programmed for adaptability. You respond with humor and lightness to what would have once triggered fear of loss. You’re now spreading this light to every person you meet. At the end of the day, experience yourself feeling more balanced. You can close with this affirmation: “I am now at peace. I am now in deep gratitude. I experience the world as the same. And so it is done.”

To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through www.LifeQuake.net or DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr). For those seeking private consultation, Dr. Toni can be reached at 310.712.2600. This column appears in Vision Magazine on the stands and online - http://www.visionmagazine.com/archives/0907/Lifequake.html

Tags: change, chaos, creative problem solving, crisis, economic crisis, stress, stress management, the lifequake method, tough economic times
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Interview by Betty Confidential

Saturday, June 13th, 2009

Moms Who Drink: Why and When It’s Time to Put Down the Glass

Dr. Toni Galardi weighs in on the trend -Julie Ryan Evans

As part of our series on Mommy Medicine, we asked Dr. Toni Galardi, a licensed psychotherapist, to give us more insight and a professional opinion as to why so many mothers today seem to be embracing alcohol.

JRE: It seems there’s an abundance of stay-at-home moms who use alcohol to help them manage the stress of motherhood. Have you noticed this, and why do you think it is?

Dr. Galardi: Part of this is sociological, not psychological, in origin. I think at-home moms have increased their drinking for a couple reasons: Women are more educated today and often [have] had a career before becoming a mom. And those who drink may not be so stimulated by the conversations at playdates and birthday parties. Alcohol is used to numb their boredom, or so say the moms I work with. Also, to be a stay-at-home mom, your husband is usually working very long hours to support the financial needs of the entire family. There is more isolation today than when the nuclear family lived with extended family members like a grandmother or an aunt. At the core of the problem is the loss of identity that comes with the role of moms who stay at home.

In the U.S., so much more is being expected of parents in child-rearing today. Children have schedules like adults in terms of number of activities they go to after school and on weekends, and a lot more homework and demanding, intricate school projects; the parent at home has to be highly involved in all of this, as well as fully participatory in school activities. Well, if you had a life before children, becoming this selfless with an expectation that motherhood will be a fulfilling identity in and of itself can lead to finding joy in a wine bottle because it is so socially acceptable. And for a moment it gives you that serotonin high that you don’t get from all the responsibilities you have to your kids and husband.

JRE: Can you give us some examples of mothers you’ve seen turning to alcohol?

Dr. Galardi: One of my clients was a fashion editor before becoming the mother of two children and wife of a successful clothing manufacturer. Her drinking began to escalate as her husband was spending more and more time traveling for his business. To abate the loneliness, she would have people over for dinner quite often and would start drinking as she was cooking, and that would extend through dinner. She was also hosting many of the playdates and birthday parties for her children as well as her friends’ children. She had a big house, so people were thrilled to have her be the social maven. Her lifequake hit when she found out her husband was having an affair, and that was when she stopped drinking and went into therapy to look at why she had been drinking in the first place.

Another client of mine was not formally educated but had been a successful artist in Europe before marrying and having children. She used alcohol to “access the muse” after a long day of child-rearing. Her only time in her studio was at 10 at night, and wine became a way of relaxing her from a stressful day with toddlers. I gave her guided visualizations and other meditation-type techniques to help her get centered at the end of the day. This allowed her creativity to expand even more.

JRE: It seems to be acceptable for mothers to drink at playdates, children’s birthday parties, “Baby Loves Disco” gatherings, etc. Do you think there’s any harm in this mentality?

Dr. Galardi: I don’t think a function like a child’s birthday that is geared to kids is the place for alcohol consumption. A barbecue that includes both children and adults, and in which the kids are not the main event, is fine, but even there, we need to be aware of what we are modeling for kids, not to mention putting them at risk when you get behind the wheel to go home.

JRE: So, how do parents’ drinking habits affect children? Is it bad if they see us drinking at a weekly playgroup or daily at dinner?

Dr. Galardi: Having a glass of wine with dinner as a part of a meal is fine. Wine in and of itself is not the problem. It becomes a problem when you model for your kids that this is the only way Mommy knows how to feel good. I grew up in an Italian family, where wine was at every dinner, but it wasn’t used by my parents to numb out.

JRE: Is there room in a mother’s life for wine? Can it be part of a healthy unwinding or “mommy medicine”, as we like to call it?

Dr. Galardi: The place for wine in anyone’s life is what it was originally intended for: to supplement a meal or to be part of a spiritual or religious ritual. Yes, there are health benefits to drinking wine. A glass of wine with dinner to complement the meal is good for digestion, cholesterol, etc. It is only a problem when it is being used as a way of self-medicating rather than part of a meal. Taking 15 minutes at the end of the day before dinner to do some yoga stretches or deep breathing, or dare I say meditation, is the best modeling you can give your kids. When you become dependent on alcohol as your only way to de-stress, it is dangerous; the body adapts and needs greater and greater quantities to unwind.

JRE: So, how would a mom know if she has a problem, especially if she’s drinking like everyone else?

Dr. Galardi: The key to judging whether it’s a problem is not quantity but dependence. If you were asked to go without it for a week, what emotions would it trigger? Ask yourself what feelings do you NOT have to feel when you drink? For example, when your husband comes home, do you drink to deal with his stress level from work? Do you drink to deal with your boredom around cooking? Do you use it as the only reward you give yourself in the course of the day? Is it numbing out your real desire to be more involved in a professional area besides raising your children?

JRE: And if someone feels it may be a problem? Dr. Galardi: If you feel that your wine consumption is being used to mask deeper issues, get help. Contact a therapist who deals with addiction issues, or go to a local AA meeting. It is quite humbling and ultimately liberating to have to admit that you need help in addressing this issue, and there are people who want to help. If you have a friend who is drinking too much, offer to go to a meeting with her or find a therapist she can talk to.

Dr. Toni Galardi has been a licensed psychotherapist in the state of California for more than 20 years. She currently resides in Los Angeles. In her new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (Not Just Survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval, she asserts that alcohol and other addictive substances can be symptoms of a person’s resistance to change as a cycle ends and a new life purpose begins. For more information, go to www.lifequake.net, or call 310-712-2600 for a private consultation.

Tags: addiction to alcohol, drinking wine to undwind, mothers under stress, stay at home mom, stress management, women in transition
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Changing Careers in a Bad Economy

Monday, May 25th, 2009

Conventional wisdom and the media would have you believe that if you have a job, thank your lucky stars and don't even think about leaving it. In previous blogs, I have been giving stress management techniques for handling a crisis driven workplace and they will work to get you calmer and perhaps even help you to turn within instead of to the office muffins or donuts.

But, when we are not learning anymore, challenged anymore by our current career and there is no lateral move to take within the company, what does one do? Here are some tips:

1) The first key to a successful career transition that manifests from your heart instead of your old mental pictures is to strengthen the muscle of intuition. The first step in building this muscle begins with what you put in your mouth. Food or liquid that has caffeine or sugar will accelerate adrenal function. Our adrenals stimulate the nervous system to go into a fight or flight response. In other words - anxiety or other fear based emotions. Consuming food that balances your blood sugar such as protein and complex carbohydrates will also balance brain function. I cannot say enough about the need to get at least 800 mg of magnesium into your body every day. It is magnesium not calcium in milk that is calming. We are a magnesium deprived nation. The kind of magnesium you take is also important. For example, Magnesium glycinate is absorbed by the body more easily than magnesium oxide which can cause loose bowels if taken in high quantities.

2) 30-40 minutes of some kind of exercise that works the whole body: walking, jogging, yoga, a dance class, etc will get your endorphins going and also release stress that would prevent you from hearing the wise voice inside.

3) Notice your feelings as you go about your day. What job responsibilities, life events, and people give you energy or passion? Write it down for three weeks. These are the clues to what is emerging as your new life purpose.

4) Discipline yourself to sleep 7-8 hours a night. Turn off the tv, don't read books, magazines, or newspapers that stimulate your mind right before bed. The more rested you are, the more apt you will be to feel confident about making a career change and the more access to your intuition you will have to come up with out of the box ideas for how to proceed with less conventional strategies. Also, when you get adequate REM sleep between 3-5 AM you are more apt to remember your dreams. Setting an intention before sleep to show you in your dreams, a creative solution, can bring you ideas you never considered. Many great inventors got their AHA! moment in a dream.

5) In your down time at night, instead of watching television to relax from a frustrating day, reach out to social communities like Facebook and Twitter with a research intention and let people know what you are looking for.

6) Consider starting a business from home while you still have a job. Begin to notice what products are missing in the marketplace and think in an entrepreneurial fashion. Ordinary people have come up with simple ideas that made them a fortune without a business background.

7) Volunteer. Do your research on companies or non profit organizations who court the kind of patrons that you want to network with. By volunteering for charity events or giving even 5 hours a week of your time to a cause you believe in could turn an avocation into a new vocation.

8) To go back to the beginning of this article, another strategy for building intuition and emotional stability in a time of change is to spend 15 minutes a day in stillness. If you can quiet your emotions, in a state of calm, ask the question, what is the highest next step I should take to create more fulfillment in my career? The answer may lie in staying in your present work but reinventing it in some way. And it may mean taking a risk and following your heart. Just remember, it is only the next step, not the five year plan you have to implement.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, career coach, columnist, public speaker, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon. She can be contacted through her website, http:www.LifeQuake.net or her office at 310-712-2600.

Tags: Add new tag, career change coaching, career transition, career transition coaching, creative dreaming solutions, sleep deprived, stress management, volunteerism
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Adapting to Sudden Upsets: Today, your life, tomorrow, the world

Friday, May 8th, 2009

See the products page for the whole CD.

Implied in the words “stress management” is the idea that the key to calm is controlling your stress. As an advocate of prevention, I know that the key to managing stress is having the ability to handle whatever is being thrown at you – to say yes to sudden change. Easier said than done, right? As great as the best breathing techniques are for anxiety when breakdowns occur, there is a better way, a shortcut you might say.

What if you didn’t go into fear and resistance at all and thus have to do the extra step of clearing yourself?

Here is a five minute technique from my book and CD The LifeQuake Method. As you are waking up in the morning before coming into full consciousness, set an intention that you will say yes to whatever happens throughout the day. This does not mean agreeing to injustices hurled at you, it means simply responding, rather than reacting to the crisis. In your mind’s eye, experience yourself in the flow of life events. Whatever you do when you get out of bed: make the coffee, pick up the house, feed the dog, etc you will do gracefully, peacefully, devoid of frenetic rush you may find yourself usually falling into. Imagine having your first meal with the focus on really tasting what you are eating and letting it nourish you.

Now imagine you are driving to work or if you work from home, sitting at your computer and something happens you didn’t count on like coffee spills all over your desk, someone cuts you off in traffic, etc but you stay remarkably calm. Now imagine an even bigger upset, something you really have been afraid might happen like losing your job or a big client. Feel the feelings that come up around this, now breathe into them until it releases and declare that something amazing is going to come from this. Repeat this phrase again, “something amazing is going to come from this”. Now scan through the rest of the day and all the task you have to do, imagining yourself doing them with joy and gratitude. Imagine your state of being having an infectious effect on all you come into contact with even in the midst of a crisis. Now imagine getting into bed, scanning the day you just finished, amazed that on a really challenging, crisis driven day, you claimed peace as yours. Now, open your eyes, and feel your body moving with great agility and light footedness. Believe it or not, this is all you have to do to have an impact on world peace, not to mention your nervous system and over all health.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, author, and public speaker. She can be reached through her website at http:www.LifeQuake.net

Tags: anxiety, breathing, crisis, peace, prevention, psychotherapist, stress, stress management
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Is the Internet making us all a little ADD?

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

I would hate to be a kid today. There is a GREAT article I read on kids and depression and how it is being masked by overuse of social communities.http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-opmcd0712679046may06,0,4832350. There is so much pressure on them to perform. Not only are they exposed and pressured by the usual stuff of illegal drug use and premature sex but they also have bigger demands academically than we did as kids. Then you throw in the distraction of You tube, facebook, and twitter, who wouldn't be ADD or ADHD? How can anyone these days focus on one thing given how much outer stimulus we're being bombarded by?

What no one counted on and the article above addresses is that depression would be a by product. I would also submit that the foods we eat on the go, the rapid pace of American life and emissions from cell phones in overuse are also contributing to more bi-polar disorder. What to do? If you must eat fast food as part of your daily diet, make a point of getting real leafy greens in somewhere during the day and I dont mean head lettuce. Spinach, kale, arugula are the best and most rich with the mineral responsible for keeping our nervous system from frying. I also would recommend taking it in capsule form - preferably as magnesium glycinate. 800 mg a day is recommended by holistic doctors.

You've heard me bang this drum before but I will say it again. Stillness for five minutes three times a day can really help with focus. Just drop into your breath and breathe deeply down into your gut setting an intention to release any muscle or emotional tension you feel in your body. After five minutes, ask the question, is there anything I need to know at this moment to assist me as I move back into my day? Just try eating more magnesium rich foods and practicing this stress management technique for three weeks and I guarantee you, the chaos will get a little less crisis driven.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist in practice in Santa Monica, CA and has written a new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval available through Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Her website address is http:www.LifeQuake.net

Tags: ADD, bi-polar disorder, chaos, crisis, magnesium, psychoptherapy, social communities, stress management
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