The LifeQuake Blog

“Ask The LifeQuake Doctor” – Vision Magazine
June 2009 issue

Dear Dr. Toni:
I have an upper management job in a great company and am experiencing “survivor guilt”. So many of my friends have been laid off from their jobs. I get several calls a month or week asking for referrals for jobs or introductions to others — from friends, friends of friends, or former colleagues who may be desperately searching for work and are relying heavily on networking. But each person has only so much political capital to expend: When is ok to say no? How do you say no? When should you help? What kind of help is easy to provide, and what should you consider more carefully? How far should you go to help?
Peter J.
Dear Peter:
We are living in desperate times. According to the Bloomberg News last week, it is predicted that the third and fourth quarter of this year things could worsen. I believe that a positive function of a time like this is to bring us together. Americans reached out to help each other during the Great Depression and yet when we were in an economic boom during the 1950’s the black list became a guise for anti-semitism and prejudices of many kinds. People got scape-goated if they had an independent feeling about how the country was being run. I don’t think the focus at this juncture is to look at your political capital. The key is to use discernment as to whom to refer to whom.

Here are some tips:
1) Say no when you have history with the person asking for help as having put your reputation at risk in the past. ie., Poor work habits that led to them getting fired from a job you used your contacts for them to get.

2) Say no when they are asking you to refer them for something you know they are not qualified to apply for. Once again, using your resources judiciously.

3) Say no when, what they are asking for help on, will be in direct competition with a request you need to make of your contact in assisting you in your own career transition.
4) Say no if whom they want you to connect them with is not someone you have a close enough relationship with to justify making a recommendation and have it hold any weight. In other words, don’t pretend to know people intimately that you don’t really know and set up disappointment for someone desperate for work.

When it feels right to say no, do it directly, but with compassion.
If someone is calling you and are in desperate straights and have a family to support, and they are well qualified, do whatever you can to help them. Connecting people with each other always serves in the long run. If you put good karma out into the world, it will always come back to support you at a different time. In my book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon I write a whole chapter on the benefits psychologically, physically, and financially of acting altruistically as a matter of course. We are being called in these times to expand our resources to help one another, not to contract and hold on tightly to what we have. Generosity is its own reward. The key question is not what is strategically best but what does your gut wisdom tell you about whom to connect to whom.

Dear Dr. Toni:
I lost my job a few months ago and am going through what feels like a major transformation. Now that my old career identity is over, I notice that I don’t feel connected to my old friends. I also can’t afford the same social expenses they can. I am afraid to let go of these relationships because they are the only friends I have right now. How do I handle saying good-bye to people I don’t feel connected to anymore?
Dazed and Confused in Los Angeles

Dear D and C:
First of all, congratulations! I am not saying this cavalierly. It is important to mark this event with a celebration so you don’t spin out into fear. As your old identity is falling away, your old life is going to feel alien. There is new life forming, it’s just still underground in your psyche. That feeling of being in the desert is a powerful transition into fuller self expression and it takes courage to be naked and alone, so to speak. However, we are never left with a void for very long once we make authentic choices. Begin to explore going to social functions that are free of charge or have a nominal fee. Peruse the Los Angeles Times or Whole Life Times for events. Volunteer part time while you are job searching. People who volunteer their time may be the like-minded individuals you are seeking.

Be patient. I call this time in my book, “The Cosmic Barbecue”. Your ego may experience some discomfort when you are in between lives. It may be that you are being called to be in more internal exploration that you didn’t have time for while working in a career. I have lots of free articles on my blog that can also support a time a transition: http://www.LifeQuake.net/blog

Spend time in quiet every day and ask your inner wisdom to show you what your next step is. Once your career re-crystallizes, this time for befriending yourself you may never have the luxury for again.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and the author of her new book: The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Dr. Galardi is forming an eight week group this summer for those wanting to get unstuck from old habits. For those seeking private consultation, she can be reached at 310.712.2600. To submit questions for “Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor”, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr).

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We are living in amazing times. Crisis driven, economically challenged, and now epidemic threats are all around us. And yet, it is possible to be healthier, wealthier, and more psychologically agile than ever before.

You probably think I’m crazy for saying this but here is why. If you follow these seven steps, your chances of thriving when everyone else is buying into mass hysteria (and lowering their immune systems by worrying) will be exponentially greater.
1) get seven to eight hours sleep a night. we live in a sleep deprived nation of people who think it makes them superior by bragging they can subsist on 5-6. In evolutionary terms, our bodies are wired to wind down after the sun sets and wake up when it rises. When you follow this natural rhythm instead of sitting at your computer until 11 PM, you will have the restoration that sleep brings in the morning and a stronger immune system.

2) eat foods that have lots of mineral content. Leafy greens and cruciferous vegetables are the best. The more alkaline your diet is the stronger your body will be. The most acidic foods contain sugar. red meat is also highly acidic so eat lots of veggies when you eat them for acid/alkaline balance.

3) moderate exercise. Any exercise that takes you into exhaustion at the end will deplete your adrenal glands. These little glands that sit on top of the kidneys are critical to immune health. If you feel your body is especially tired, substitute restorative yoga and walking in the sunshine for 30 minutes a day. Vitamin D that we get from the sun really supports immune function.

4) Speaking of which, extra vitamins such as a good B complex, vitamin E and 3-4 grams of Vit C are also supportive of your immune system. Many people swear by organic medicinal mushroom complex (which can be obtained from any number of nutritional supplements companies) as the source of their strong immune system.

5) Keeping your blood sugar stable through adequate amounts of protein throughout the day nourishes your adrenals as well.

6) Managing stress. Stress is the biggest drain on the immune system. The best way to manage stress is to be aware of your response to sudden or unexpected changes and resist the temptation to resist. Say yes in the form of acceptance to whatever is before you. The best way to economize our emotional response to challenging moments is to breathe consciously right into the place in your body where you are reacting. Often, that is our gut. As you breathe in, push your stomach out and as you breathe out, allow your stomach to contract. do this twenty times, three times a day and it serves as an emotional colonic to releasing stuck feelings so you dont take them to bed with you.

7) Meditating for fifteen minutes or listening to a guided visualization every morning can help carry you into a centered place throughout the day and then you don’t have to do the extra work of clearing yourself of reactive feelings later on. a great time saver! My CD,The LifeQuake Method is very helpful for those of you who have trouble meditating.

In summary, the key here is to eliminate fear and anxiety as much as possible. When you are rested, well nourished, and relaxed, your brain thrives and is able to adapt to rapidly changing circumstances like having to spin on the head of a dime. Times they are a changin’ and they aren’t going to slow down any time soon so it is justcommon sense to make sure your body, mind, and spirit are thriving.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, author, and columnist. Her first book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive ( not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval is now available through her website www.LifeQuake.net or various online book stores.

I notice that on mornings that I don’t start the day with meditation, my thinking process is so much more rigid. It seems to be like dominos.  If I jump out of bed and begin by moving fast, it revs my nervous system. In a hyper state, my mind seems to think in more negative terms. The more wired I am, the poorer my food choices are, the less good fuel I have for my brain and the less agile my mind is in handling unexpected challenges or crises.

When I start the day by breathing into my diaphragm and opening myself to get more oxygen into my body, I find that my mind expands and creative ideas come pouring in. When I get up from a sitting posture, I’m more centered, moving more slowly, and the choices I make for my breakfast are more nourishing.  I then find myself to be more present, focused, and loving with my friends and clients.  I then am more prone to use meditation tools in my coaching.  I also am a much better problem solver and able to change course in my schedule if need be more easily.

As I was watching President Obama’s address last night to the bi-partisan room, I couldn’t help but think, if  the various factions of our government could only meditate together, we could make a huge leap in thinking outside the box together.  Perhaps each of us citizens meditating could be like a good virus that infects us all with peace and then change in our own lives might not be that hard after all and the last domino becomes all of humanity.  Just from meditating for five minutes a day…

Dr. Toni Galardi  is a crisis management coach  and psychotherapist. Her new book on adapting to change  The LIfeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Change is now available through her website http: www.LifeQuake.net.