The LifeQuake Blog

In the course of 24 hours, one friend and one client shared with me stories of what happens when you reach out to a complete stranger in need, even when it means you’ll be late for your next appointment. The first story began a few weeks ago. It is told in its entirety in the following articles, the second link is a slide show done by a photographer for the L.A. Times.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-bessie16-2009oct16,0,7618199.story

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-bessie-vid,0,6819231.htmlstory

Now, what is telling about this story is, he could have just given this homeless woman and her children money and have been on his way. He went a step further – he wrote to every staff writer at The LA Times until one took interest and it ended up on the front page.

The second story occurred a few days ago at 4th and Wilshire in Santa Monica, Ca. A wealthy woman had just come out of a building from seeing her accountant. Dressed “au currant” down to her Christian Louboutin shoes, she happened to hear frantic cries coming from a bus parked near by. The bus driver was trying to assist a 70 year old man who had fallen badly and had a gash in his leg so deep that he was bleeding profusely. The bus driver had attempted to stop the blood to no avail. My friend immediately instructed him to move the man to the park bench from the bus steps and get his leg elevated. She then reapplied the make shift tourniquet tighter until the paramedics got there. As she recounted the story to me, she joked, ” I guess all those House episodes I watched, have paid off!”

Here are two busy middle aged professional people who took the time to do the right thing. What struck me about this is that others have heralded them as heroes. Yes, it is heroic to choose altruism over self concerns but it made me think, has the bar been lowered so much on our humanity that when we choose to be the good samaritan it is seen as extraordinary? In many tribal cultures, they would look at us strangely for this. In those cultures, reaching out to anyone in need is quite ordinary and reasonable.

In the last chapter of my new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon I address the idea that once we master the fear of change and learn to adapt more easily to it, we can move into becoming an agent of change. I included a lot of data that suggests that acting altruistically is not only good for your immune system ( which it is), increases dopamine and endorphins ( which it does), but perhaps because of this is actually an evolutionary survival mechanism. Those who concern themselves for others, even when it is an inconvenience or a sacrifice, have the best shot at evolving. Historically, we know that selfish cultures die out but on a purely personal level, if you want to thrive in these difficult times, do something selfless for a complete stranger every day ( however small a gesture) and see your life transform. If we all take this on, the whole world will evolve but more importantly, you will end every day happier, I promise you.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a career coach, columnist, public speaker, and the recent author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive ( not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval

When Barack Obama got elected as our president, everyone was expecting great change to come to America and I said then, it would depend on us as a mass consciousness, not one man or his administration or even a democratic congress. We are a nation that predominantly fears change if it means we have to disrupt the familiarity of our own lives. We want the world to change and keep our creature comforts in place. Statistically, we know that as the economy is shrinking, addiction is skyrocketing. The first inpatient facility devoted to internet addiction opened recently and that is just one of the many ways people are using external substances to distract themselves from making radical internal changes.

If you really want to see the health care issue resolved, clean up your own health habits. Instead of thinking you need a new job, come up with a new idea People who come to me seeking my advice as a career coach, get panicked over sending hundreds of resumes out and getting nowhere. I cannot tell you how many times I have assisted a client in thinking outside the box as to how to make more money and live even better than when they were working for someone else. Itis common to want to reach for the comfort ( there is that word again) of a paycheck beleiving you have to get a job right away to handle your nut. Six months pass and no job and you’re even worse off. Now you’re depressed and defeated and have no creative energy to consider another way to begin your next career chapter.
Here are some tips for career change in tough economic times:
1) begin the day ( before moving into action) with your eyes closed by visualizing yourself working in an environment where you are happy. you dont need big details right now: just your three must haves like: Here is an affirmation from the Depression era of the 1930’s that people used to have financial breakthroughs when everyone else was buying into the economy: “I am doing joyous work in a joyous way.I give joyous service for joyous pay.”
2) expect success and watch your mind so when self defeating statements begin, you can simply witness them and choose to let them go.

3) Set an intention for looking for evidence that your life is changing in a positive direction. A smile from a stranger, an extra bagel given to you by the guy behind the counter, finding a quarter on the sidewalk. It starts with little pieces of grace and gets bigger as you notice more of that than you do what is lacking in your life.

4) Before you go to sleep at night, scan the day for moments when you felt enthusiasm. write it down. then ask your unconscious to bring you a dream that guides you toward your next step. Many famous inventors and scientists discovered the solutions to problems in a dream. When you awaken, write down anything you remember, even if it doesn’t make sense yet. Set an intention for your mind to be open to new ideas throughout the day. A great idea may come from over hearing a conversation in line at the local coffee house.

5) Count your blessings three times over the course of the day. In the middle east, they stop and pray five times a day, well there is something to be said by this.

Look for signs of change. Autumn is just around the corner!

Dr. Toni Galardi is a career coach, columnist and author of her new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive ( not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval

Last night I was watching an old documentary of Judy Garland. One of the narrators who had once been head of CBS commented that she was the greatest entertainer of the twentieth century. She had exceptional abilities as a singer, dancer, and actor. The narrator also made the observation that her vulnerability is what endeared her to an audience. She held nothing back. Her interpretation of a song had such heart and she also let it all hang out in television interviews as well. She told the truth, her truth of course, as a great raconteur, but she didn’t craft a story just to make herself look good. She didn’t hide and people loved her for it, and yet “she could hit a song like a guy, with the command that Sinatra brought to his music.”

I thought about this as I heard Berry Gordy refer to Michael Jackson as being the greatest entertainer that ever lived. Two people who were loved by their fans, their family and friends, and had long time drug addiction issues. Although Michael was extremely vulnerable inside, he wore a mask, literally and figuratively. He hid so much of himself and as he got older, the secrets got bigger, and the addiction more pervasive.

What gave both of their performances on stage such power was in part ( at least on the emotional level) that vulnerability. The greatest performance artists of our time have it and few escaped addiction. The paradox of what it takes to reach an audience and what it costs you (if you are that vulnerable) is tremendous. Being in the spotlight with all eyes on you with the public’s incredibly ridiculous projections contrast so greatly with how the individual who is a “sensitive” feels on the inside. To be an icon who the public can identify with requires access to the little guy inside and yet this child part has no coping skills for the demand of always being on display. Alcohol, pills, and heavy narcotics become the way that this child part finds to shut out the world and all its expectations.

I think that the deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett ( another highly sensitive star who had once had some addiction issues) are shining the light on addiction, but they pose another cautionary lesson. To be a leader whether that is in the entertainment business, politics, religious institutions, or corporate America is to bring your authentic self to the people. The evolution of our consciousness is demanding that all “the masks and gloves” be ripped off of anyone in the public eye who purports to be one thing and keeps another shame ridden self deep in the cellar of the subconscious. Although we are seeing this “uncovery” through people like Jackson, Ted Haggart, and Governor Sanford, we too are being called to step out of the shadows.

Every human being has a part of themselves that is the child, that is vulnerable and scared at times. It is time for us all, not just our leaders, to attend to that child. To listen without judgement to its fears rather than sedating or numbing out its cries. When we invoke within ourselves a good parent to take care of the child, authenticity comes easier and so do boundaries. When the child part of us is not abandoned by us through substance abuse, food, and a myriad of distractions such as internet addictions, we can handle the judgements of the world and give the child what it really needs: love from the self not fleeting adulation from others. And to be a good parent means to say to the child: “loving you sometimes means telling you no.” “No, you can’t spend more than you have, eat more than you need to be healthy, or sacrifice sleep to get more done in a day.

I have great hope for America. We have come far since the days of Bill Clinton who did not trust himself or the people to come clean with his addictions. In the few months since he has been in office, Barack Obama has taken full responsibility for mistakes made. A perfect president? Far from it. However, I do think he is more authentic than anyone we’ve seen in office yet so it is for us to take our masks off first to ourselves and peer into our own deepest shadow and let the world see us: good, bad, and ugly. Every time you allow vulnerability without shame, every time you allow vulnerability through self deprecating humor, you stand for a healed relationship with your emotions and you provide a leadership to whomever is listening to you: your children, your community, your co-workers. This is the key to America’s recovery.

Thanks to reality tv, everyone wants overnight celebrity driven success. Andy Warhol said prophetically, eventually, everyone would be famous for 15 minutes. What if we stopped seeking the spotlight and replaced it with our inner light? It could be the key to feeling strong through vulnerability. If what we are seeking is to give the world our light, our full potential self, there is no need to buffer ourselves with addictive substances because there would be no disparity between what shines through you and what is you. This is the real stardom…

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist and author of her new book The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive ( not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval

When I first started writing The LifeQuake Phenomenon twenty years ago, I was befriended by a fascinating generous, amazing woman - Suzy Prudden. I shared with her this seven stage model for evolutionary change that had come to me in a meditation. I didn't know what to do with it other than seminars. She told me to write her a letter describing it and that letter became the beginning of my writing career. She got me to my first literary agent and the journey of LifeQuake began.

BR>

A few weeks ago I wrote about this new burgeoning addiction to social communities and asked a lot of questions to help you assess if it’s a real problem for you. In today’s post I want to talk about solutions.

I think at the heart of social community addiction is the avoidance of loneliness. Whatever we run from will have power over us. If you have a need to be connected to people through twitter 10 times
a day, you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself or with the joy of solitude so before you go on the internet, even email, take 15 minutes, close your eyes and breathe into your diaphragm deeply. Then place one hand over your heart and send love to yourself. corny maybe, but it works. Taking time out to center yourself before you start your day may bring you into deeper relationship with yourself and your connections to others will be less desperate. another tip I gleaned from another blog I want to share here as well.
There actually is a website for people who need assistance in getting clean from their facebook or you tube fix.
This is from dailyblogtips:
You basically add the URL of the site that is consuming your time, and then the service will provide you with another URL that you should use to access the service (ideally you should bookmark it and always use it). If you try to access the site more than once within a specific time interval, say 60 minutes, they service will block you and remind that you should wait some time before you can go there again.

http://www.dailyblogtips.com/keepmeoutcom-solve-your-internet-addiction-problem/

And if that doesn’t work, start your own 12 step program for cyber junkies!
Dr. Toni Galardi has just offered her first newsletter. go to www.LifeQuake.net and subscribe on the contact page.

Since my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon was released in February, I have done a lot of interviews with journalists on a variety of topics, some with the theme of addiction – mommies who drink too much wine at play dates, men who use exercise to compensate for big appetites, screen writers who think they need pot to reach the muse, etc The one question that has come up a lot about addiction is to whether non substance related habits can be addictions. For example, the internet. Can surfing the net, participating in social communities, or watching You tube be an addiction?

My answer is always the same. Nothing outside of us in and of itself is ever an addiction. So here are four questions to ask yourself to determine if you have an internet addiction:

1) How many hours do you spend on your computer in non-work related activity?

2) Are there things in your life that aren’t getting attended to because of your internet time?

3) are there people who need your attention that you are avoiding by being at your computer?

4 Are there emotions you are corking through this distraction?

One of my clients felt trapped in her marriage. She had had an affair and ended it because she had children and wanted to keep the family together. Unfortunately, instead of working on the issues with her husband, she chose to watch You Tube videos instead. Another client used chat rooms as a way to safely connect with people and avoid being in the world where she could get emotionally wounded as she had experienced when her boyfriend dumped her.

So, the key is to notice if your computer time is providing a way to not deal with changes you need to be making. Left unaddressed, this will lead to a crisis. when we need to make changes and distract ourselves instead, eventually the life you’ve outgrown will burst into chaos. By taking the time to really let yourself feel your feelings, you could discover solutions to how to negotiate the next phase of your life a lot less stressful.