MEDIA INTERVIEWS

I'm Lisa Garr. Today's guest is an expert on this fascinating subject, and a very current focus for many people; we'll be discussing "chaos" in all of its modalities - the positives, the negatives, and how it relates to us and our growth process and retardation process. Today's guest is a psychotherapist, business consultant and motivational speaker who's been in private practice for about 16-17 years. Toni Galardi is our guest. She began some years ago working in Orange County with the Sexual Assault Network where she educated police departments, physicians and law students on post-traumatic stress syndrome. Everything took a U-turn when she had a series of accidents that forced her into a radical change that led to her fulfilling her life's purpose. Today she's going to not only share that incredible story with us, but she'll also talk about her current topic entitled "LifeQuake - the Metamorphosis of Chaos". She is here in studio to share her story with us. Welcome Toni Galardi.

TG: Thank you.

LG: How are you?

TG: I'm great.

LG: Good, good. You look really good.

TG: It's great to be here.

LG: You were on the show this time last year, actually, come to think of it. It's been a year. And a lot has happened since then. Why the book "LifeQuake"? What is the reason it's coming out at this point; at this time?

TG: Well, first of all, it hasn't come out yet. It's a work in progress. It's a book that I've been writing for a number of years as my own journey has mirrored the process of "LifeQuake". What this book is really about is the evolution of consciousness... and looking at crisis as the possibility for this evolution. You know, if your life is in chaos, it's a possibility for rebirth and there is a seven stage model that I take people through to get there.

LG: Let's talk about the crisis, the chaos, the need for the drama, all of that. Where do you think that starts?

TG: Well, in Stage 1 of this model, it starts with boredom. When you are living a life that you have completed, so to speak, there is a quantum physics principle called the Prigogine theory, the theory of chaos; when any organism reaches its highest level of functioning, it bursts into disorganization. Then it has the possibility of reorganizing at a higher level of functioning. Now, the question is, when someone's life goes through that process, what do they do? Do they take it to a higher level of functioning by holding it in a positive context or do they become a victim?

LG: Now, but it's the process of getting it there. So you're saying that chaos can be great. It gives birth to new ideas, causes motivation, it creates a chain reaction. But, do we need to go through the physical stress? Do we need to stress out our loved ones in order to get there?

TG: No, absolute not. I interviewed about 100 people in research for this book, and it was very interesting to see how one deals with change, based on one's childhood and background, if you grew up in a dysfunction background where there was a major issue of security and identity all now connected to your career, your image and all of that. You hold on and cling no matter how much discontent is going on in your life and that it disintegrating. You're going to keep holding on to that for dear life. If you were raised to have an intrinsic sense that, no matter what happens you're valuable, emotions are more manageable. The people I interviewed who were likely to realize "I'm bored, this is no longer fun for me, I'm going to do something else" were able to simply just move into deciding what next to do.

LG: Transition it in a different way.

TG: Correct. Those who ignore the boredom instead begin addictive behavior; you know, to try and quell the boredom. They eat a little bit more, drink a little bit more, shop, and so on. That will progress into depression. And then, as we get into a depression, what do we do more of? We do more of that.

LG: High highs, low lows.

TG: Yes.

LG: Right. Did the people that you interviewed come from a crisis type of childhood? Is there a way to unlearn that type of drama, that chaos, that crisis management lifestyle?

TG: Absolutely. That's where the tools come in and this is what I teach people; how to begin, your body being everything. When you begin to observe feelings in your body instead of stuffing those feelings by going to external sources to quell them you begin a real relationship with your feelings and notice where the energy is. What is this new feeling? Maybe the color red was something that you never had an attachment to and you were always a beige person, but suddenly the color red is appealing to you. Listen to that; pay attention. Start following where the energy is taking you rather than where the energy was before, in coma.

LG: Well, most people, first of all, don't realize they come from a crisis family and they live their life in chaos with a lot of drama; they may see the concept that "I live my life in chaos and drama" but they really don't get it.

TG: Right.

LG: It's very blinding. I have been like that most of my life and have recently, within the last three years, transitioned out of this pattern so I know about it, first hand. I've surrounded myself with a lot of "drama queens" and a lot of high highs, low lows, and constant chaos. These people are still in my life. I know that they're not seeing it and I don't know how, even as a friend to say it to them; you're not seeing that you're creating the chaos and the drama, even though you say I'm not creating chaos and drama anymore. How would you recommend somebody even detects that? You know, get rid of that BS monitor?

TG: You mean in themselves?

LG: Yes.

TG: I think that the first step is learning how to get quiet.

LG: Beautiful answer.

TG: You have to learn to go inside and find solitude. I was raised in a chaotic family situation, so it was natural and familiar to always be an adrenaline junkie. When I started meditating and started to "feel" peacefulness, that was a much more natural state; the state of peace felt more natural to me than chaos. That is the pivotal point when a change takes place.

LG: It's interesting... I'm really close to this topic because I have so much history with it. If I'm very quiet around these "drama queens" and stay very centered and grounded, they look at me as apathetic but I don't care and I'm not buying into it. I just wind up being quiet and still because I'm not going to try and change them; I'm going to be an example. I'm sure that you've run across that and seen it. I think my question is how, if you have friends, and I'm sure I'm not exclusive to this situation in wanting to change something in my life and people wanting to change things in their life, and one of the reasons they listen to this show; if you have friends like that, what way can you recommend dealing with this?

TG: Well you said something that was key, and that is you set yourself as an example. The key is to get quiet inside, but it's also to go into the state of love. When you can look over there at someone and you can absolutely, unconditionally, and with great compassion, love them in their chaos; not try to change them, judge them, fix them, in any way - it can even be you are non-verbally judging someone - but if you truly go into the state of unconditional acceptance of where someone is, one of two things is going to happen. Either there's going to be a change within that person or they just disappear from your life; and that may be what is appropriate. A lot of people left my life when I changed my own consciousness.

LG: You talk about being the example. Can you give us an example of how it is to change from chaos to another state of consciousness, which is still as productive but without the crisis part of it? So if, what you're saying, if you are, is that's been your behavioral pattern and it's worked for you.

TG: Right, but there are diminishing returns. You see, it requires something usually happening that creats diminishing returns. You're fired, somebody's leaving your life who's fed up, illness; all those things catapult. That's what catapults us into change. When that happens, there are a couple things you can do. One is look at your diet. Nutrition is critical here. If you've got artificial stimulants running your adrenals, that's chaos driven. Are you getting enough rest at night? We are a sleep deprived country. Are you exercising so that your serotonin levels and the dopamine in the brain is stabilizing you? And then things like meditation tools, which is what I teach; the visualization and how to be able to take those emotions in tow; how to be in relationship with those emotions moving them right on through.

LG: Is there a specific tool that you do teach to move people from-

TG: Several.

LG: OK. Is there any that you can share with us on the air without taking us through a meditation?

TG: Sure. I would say the first thing is to drop into your body to exactly where you're feeling. If you're feeling anxiety, for instance, access that place, see if you can feel where it is in your body the anxiety is; in your stomach, is it in your throat, in your chest... OK? With breath, and this is the critical piece, just start breathing right into the feeling and making it OK to be there. Let yourself go as fully into the feeling as possible, not trying to change it; just totally being with it, just like you're embracing a child.

LG: Into the chaos?

TG: Into whatever the emotion is and that is the first step. Then, once you feel like you have been able to calm or release the charge, then you ask that part of the body, what is it that you're trying to tell me? What is the belief here that's creating this emotion? It is probably from childhood you developed that particular triggered response to some external event going on today. So you first want to find out what has caused this. What's the belief that I have right now creating this emotion? And then let the body talk to you and give you that, OK? And that's when you have an opportunity to be in relationship to it and say OK, I'm going to be here for you. You have to coach yourself. You have to coach that part. I'm here, I'm going to see you through this whole thing; we're going to do this together.

LG: Staying present.

TG: Yes. If you're making a big transition, which is part of what "LifeQuake" is about, huge transitions and leaps, it's about having a part that can really coach you through that. And then the last piece, and this is a critical part, once you get there, call on what I call the "Wise Self", the "Wholy Self", the "W-H-O-L-Y Self". And ask, what do I need to know to make the accurate and the most appropriate choice next? All you need to know is the next step.

LG: Very interesting. Now, you mentioned earlier, just a second ago, what is a LifeQuake?

TG: A LifeQuake is a rebirth. It's basically the breaking up of an old faulty foundation - that's why we use the word as a metaphor from earthquake; most of us had a faulty foundation in terms of how we identify who we really are. Who we really are is God. So we have to separate the layers; that's what these crises do is they have an opportunity to literally strip these inauthentic layers that we pile on top of ourselves, religious conditioning, family conditioning, cultural conditioning; all of that has to be stripped away to get to the authentic self. So it's a seven stage process that takes you from boredom through depression through crisis to oneness. You don't have to go through all those stages chaotically as we've already witnessed, but it takes you through to your life's purpose. The seventh stage is really being in your life purpose and living on a planet where there's no duality, there's no you and me, it's us. We are the whole, the "Wholy Self".

LG: Very powerful. Very powerful. Now, this crisis or this "LifeQuake" that people are experiencing, can it come in the form of a job firing, or a medical condition... how do people know that this is something is psychological or physiological, that's a spiritual change?

TG: Right. It can happen in many different ways. And as I said, it doesn't have to be in some major catalytic kind of hell and damnation destroying your life. It's all the degree to which you see, "my life needs to change". "I need to move; my life is not authentic to who I am now". If you can make that change more elegantly, you don't have to lose your job. You realize this isn't the right career for you or you make a lateral move and restructure the career you've got. I work with a lot of people who are in corporate America who have what they call the velvet handcuffs; they've got the benefits, they've got the great money and they are miserable. They are afraid to leave that job. So what happens is when it's time for the soul to make that leap, if they don't make it by listening inside to the inner call, something goes wrong. You know, they get sick. That's usually how a lot of people get out of their jobs; they get ill, or fired, or whatever it is.

LG: Right. So essentially, what you're saying is that we create it so that we can have our change.

TG: That's right.

LG: Instead of voluntarily leaving. So this is where the crisis comes in. This is where the chaos comes in.

TG: Absolutely.

LG: I see. So if, in the event that you have a situation where you're trying to not go there with a crisis and you're in a job and you know that it's not the right type of job, that's reality. You're maybe providing for a family and so forth, and you have this purpose, this calling. A lot of my listeners have stated that, that they're making money one way but they're really interested in something else. What would you say?

TG: I would suggest, first exploring what is it that you find yourself interested in? And I mean, the first step, the first tool I give people is to take a piece of paper and for a week just record; keep a little book with them, what are the things that they find themselves grabbed by, a billboard, a commercial, something somebody says. You'll start to connect the dots that there's some theme here that you feel impassioned by. If it's something that you can do voluntarily, you know that on weekends you can do that or you can do it as a hobby. Because I was already a licensed psychotherapist and I started getting interested in astrology, I just did it on the side for years. It was just a passion of mine just reading the books. It was many years before I started incorporating it into my work.

LG: And so you found a hobby and your hobby eventually became-

TG: one of my vocations.

LG: Yes. I've heard that so many times. The passion becomes your vocation. Now, at the time though, when you were studying the astrology, you're thinking, "this possibly could never make me as much money as I would need to sustain myself", right? I'm sure that crossed your mind once or twice.

TG: Of course.

LG: At what point did you make the leap of faith to realize that it probably was happening?

TG: Well, here's what happened. I sold my practice. I went through a major illness. I've been through everything that I talk about; lost everything and literally had to start over in Los Angeles; but because I had connections in Orange County it didn't mean I had connections here. I worked as an office manager, which was scary when you're as right brained as I am, for a friend in her office, answering the phone, a receptionist. People coming into the office who had known me as a high profile psychotherapist, now working cleaning gowns, taking care of phones... I'm talking about the humility I felt. I was working three little jobs all during the same period of time. I was working as a hostess in a Malibu restaurant, as well. I had umpteen years of education and training and spent years as a therapist, and for me to start over and humbly be able to pursue what I wanted to do, which was television, took a "LifeQuake". It meant not practicing therapy for that time to really follow my dream. I had to have the three jobs to survive. I had to be part of the mainstream be amongst working class. It was an incredible opportunity and it was humbling and sometimes a humiliating exercise, but something that was necessary so my integration could begin. I had to be with the population instead of alone.

LG: Was that a beneficial experience for you?

TG: Oh my God, yes.

LG: Do you suggest people, if they're in high profile jobs, to do something like this?

TG: Maybe, if need be. I would say that at a certain point, if you get in touch with something you really are passionate about and it starts to take on its own force, it may mean, if you have a family, you have to sit down with your family and say, look, we have to downsize. For us, as a family, for dad or mom to really be able to follow her passion, it's going to mean we may have to sell the car and get an older car, and sell the house and get a simpler house. And for me to be able to take odd jobs, or whatever the jobs are that you need to do to be able to have, for instance, as an actor, people have day jobs, or they work at night so that they can go on auditions. It's the willingness, no matter how powerful and successful you've been, to start over as an apprentice.

LG: It's a very interesting concept because most people would be terrified of that, especially if there's children in school and tuition and all that involved. To go into something like that. But you hear about stories like this all the time, you know, we moved the family to a da-da-da, and your father created this for the family and it would up working really well. I keep hammering at this because you said something to me very valuable before the show. You said, it's an important time when you're looking at making a life change to go within, and to just sit with that for a while. And in all these great tips that you're giving and these kind of keys of, notice what's around you and make notes of it, try a meditation technique or something, but just to be quiet for a while and to really learn about this downsizing that you're talking about. Maybe it doesn't have to be as drastic, but it's not a bad thing. It's not horrible. And even if you don't have a job that has a lot of money or whatnot, and you're in the place of saying, OK, how do I create my next step? Not that you're going from one place to the next, that you're just starting from step 1, this is also a very good technique. Just simplifying your life and going within and that it's OK to do that and not to judge yourself. And this is kind of the gist that I was getting from your information. Now, the reason I'm talking about as if it's a type of universal feeling is that you've experienced as a universal phenomenon. Can you explain that?

TG: I think it's that as we're evolving as a consciousness, there's a fall-out taking place. We've got diseases, immune system diseases we didn't have 20 years ago. Nobody ever heard of Epstein-Barr 20 years ago; or candida; or fibromyalgia. All of these things are a manifestation of a leap in consciousness. At the time of Cro-Magnon man, there were at least two species on the planet at the same time. There has never been a time where suddenly one level of human being dies and another human being simply spawned. There are literally two species going on and I think there are at least two species on the planet at the same time, right as we speak. Those who can "spin on a dime", who listen to spirit, and who adapt their life in accordance, they live their life according to what their spirit self is telling them to do. Then there are those who are attached to fear and if we stay attached to our security and what we think is security, which is this material world, those people are the ones I think who will find they will suffer. I was one of those people.

LG: This is great. No, this is really pertinent information to give, because I think there is more than just you and I experiencing this. I think the whole world is on the brink of a LifeQuake.

TG: Exactly. It's a phenomenon about to reach critical mass…