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Ask the LifeQuake Doctor December 2010 issue Vision Magazine

Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

Dear Dr. Toni:
I hate the holidays. People are more unconscious in their driving, shopping, and general activities in their push to get to the next thing. If I could go away for the entire month of December, I would but I can’t. What do you suggest I do so I’m not such a Scrooge/curmudgeon this year?
The Bah Humbug Queen

Dear Reader:
As the sluggish economy drags on, unfortunately it has hurt charities who are dependent on people’s generosity at this time of year. In years past, it was a good balance to all the focus on the material side of the holidays. Now, not only are people not giving as much to non-profit organizations that support those less fortunate, they have less to spend in general and it has led to the skyrocketing of cheap addictions like the internet. However, one person who chooses to commit to living altruistically can make a difference.

Altruism, according to the Webster Dictionary means the unselfish concern for the welfare or well being of others. In my book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon, I discuss in the last chapter how this personality trait increases immune function, stabilizes neurotransmitters, and if practiced in balance with your own needs, leads to greater prosperity. The old ideas about being altruistic as something that requires self sacrifice are passe’.

This month is a great opportunity to focus away from what you can’t give your kids, family or friends and instead jumpstart 2011 by spending the holiday season of December giving your love away. When you want to yell at someone for being unconscious, shift into your heart and ask the question, “ What can I say here that is ultimately going to assist me in my well being after we part?” In the moment that we give in to reactive behavior, we can feel immediate relief but you will find you are more drained by anger than by using your breath to let the thought go and ask for a shift in your way of seeing the situation.

Choosing to focus your awareness throughout the day on being a stand for love is infectious. Just as when we are around someone who is angry or depressed, we can become less of ourselves, the opposite is also true. Smile when someone is reacting to their own self induced pressure.

Case in point, while I was waiting in line to purchase groceries, the woman in front of me was highly stressed. I thought she had forgotten her wallet as she leaned down to attend to her toddler in the stroller after paying for her purchases. I picked up the wallet to hand to her and she lashed out at me that she was coming back to get it. I stayed calm and loving and simply shared that I thought she had forgotten it and was trying to help. She then relaxed and responded by thanking me and apologizing.

Opportunities come up all day long to promote peace in the world. What are you doing today, to promote the well being of others and more joy for yourself?

Dear Dr. Toni:
I have been working in a prominent law firm with great benefits for five years. About a year ago, I started having these dreams in which I am no longer living in the city and am sitting in front of an easel and canvas outside a farm house. The canvas is blank but I have this peaceful look on my face.
The dream scares me because I have no way of supporting a life as an artist and yet I am really bored with my job. I do feel drawn to do something radically different and living in the country feels comforting but I can’t leave my job until I have a clear plan for what I am going to do next, not to mention health benefits.
What should I do, Dr. Toni?
Frustrated

Dear Reader:
First of all, I think it is marvelous that your unconscious mind is giving you messages. If you continue though, to do nothing with these messages, you will invite a crisis to force you to make the changes that will be authentic to your soul. Boredom is often the first stage of evolutionary change. It is a transition emotion. If we begin an inquiry into noticing what does interest us, our emotional tone will evolve. If we do nothing, boredom often devolves into depression and this is when addictions and illnesses often occur.

If you look at your life as a hero’s adventure, then dreams are meant to be clues to the direction of the voyage. Begin by taking day trips to places you feel drawn to where a farm house might exist. Notice how you feel when you’re there. Go to a small diner there or grocery store and reach out to the locals. By putting ourselves in the field of play, synchronicities can show up.

People can guide you to your next step that sitting at your desk or in your apartment you would never discover by yourself. And given that you’ve been receiving this dream for a year, once you do start to take action, before you go to sleep, ask to be shown the next step during the dreamtime. The blank canvas and peaceful look on your face can mean that this transition where you don’t have a “picture painted yet” can be a peaceful, easy process. When I work with clients by phone, I teach them how to stimulate dream recall and always have them record their dreams. Dreams can provide great guidance in times of transition.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, career coach, public speaker, organizational consultant, and the author of the book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval.
To submit questions for “Ask the LifeQuake Doctor” or if you would like to consult Dr. Galardi for SKYPE or phone coaching, she can be reached through her website at http://www.LifeQuake.net or 310-890-6832.

All Roads Lead To Rome or Home: Addressing Addiction in the Workplace

Saturday, November 20th, 2010

All Roads Lead To Rome or Home: Addressing Addiction in the Workplace

Prior to the Tiger Woods story breaking, Oprah did a show with Dr. Drew who was promoting his new intervention show on sex addiction. She opened the show with the statement (paraphrasing) that everyone has some kind of addiction, whether it be drugs, food, sex, the internet, or work. Although most people would agree with such a statement (and God only knows, when you’re in the field of addiction recovery, it seems to be true) it gave me pause to consider its validity.

In an attempt to prod corporate America to address addiction in the workplace, I have often cited examples of how this epidemic affects the bottom line beyond traditional forms of addiction such as substance abuse.

Does it go the way of the Roman Empire where gluttony and alcoholism were pervasive? America is known throughout the world as a religious nation, but are we a spiritual nation? If you go to church on Sunday, and then spend the rest of the week striving to fill a “soul hole” with substances or activities of questionable benefit, how does your spirit get fed?

Hats off to Oprah for emphasizing that without a spiritual connection, recovery is impossible. Now, if we could only translate that into the workplace more fully. I’m not suggesting that the word “God” become a corporate password. I do, however, think that as employees are being asked to work longer hours these days, hiring external consultants to open a dialogue around the root cause of addictive behavior in the workplace will substantially increase productivity.  And now more than ever, this is especially true in these challenging economic times. When people are turned on to their work, they don’t need to get turned on through substance abuse or internet distractions.

Years ago, I remember watching this elderly Chinese man cleaning tables in this empty restaurant after the lunch crowd had left. Now, I know this gentleman had probably washed thousands of tables in his time, and yet he was so focused and buoyant with the task at hand. When I asked him his secret, he said, “Meditation.” It turns out that he had been a Tai Chi practitioner for many years. Perhaps traditional meditation may not have much appeal for mainstream America, but there are guided visualization techniques that can definitely be initiated by anyone that can connect an individual to his internal landscape. When people devote time to an inner life, addiction recovery is made more possible, providing the opportunity for productivity to improve.

Here are some simple tips for turning within that are not time consuming:

1)   Before you get out of bed in the morning, imagine your coming day as if it is a movie. As you envision all the various details to be attended to, breathe into your belly.  Experience yourself relaxed and at peace while doing the most mundane tasks at work, especially the ones that send you into frenzy or distraction.

2)   Once you are at work, set a timer on your computer or cell phone to go off every three hours. When the timer goes off, find a place with some privacy (preferably in your office), sit back in your chair and close your eyes.  If need be, sit in a bathroom stall. Now, turn within and notice how you are breathing. Shift your breath, so that you focus on your belly as you breathe in and out. Notice any emotions that are stuck and direct your breath into those places until they dissolve.

3)   At the end of the day, before dinner or bed, sit in a chair and return to your breath. Notice where there is stress lodged in your body. Scan back over the day and intentionally release any negative feelings from events that you are still carrying with you so that you can sleep peacefully.

Normalizing addiction through the assumption “that everyone has at least one” could be a good thing if it takes away the shame and secrets most addicts carry. It becomes a slippery slope when we confuse what is normal with what is healthy.  Simple stress management techniques can have a transformative effect on addictive behavior. We do not have to go the way of an ancient empire and play the fiddle as Rome burns.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a public speaker, business consultant, columnist, and author of her new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive not Just Survive in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Her website address is http://www.LifeQuake.net

Dr. Toni weighs in on ABC’s 7 Live -Sex Addiction

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

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Issue: # 32 Oct 13, 2010
All Addictions Appear As Symptoms For Whatever Is Between You and What You Are Really Afraid of.
Dr. Toni Galardi
Yesterday I was asked to weigh in as the expert guest on the subject of sex addiction with Brian Copeland, host of ABC’s 7 Live, a news commentary show in San Francisco that feeds into The Oprah Show.

What prompted the interview were the recent allegations that Brett Favre had sent “sextexts” to a co-worker of the league with graphic pictures of his genitalia. Had she not been an employee, there would not have been grounds for sexual harassment. Other women ( massage therapists) have come forward as well. As this is the second sexual harassment case that The New York Jets are facing in recent times, it has escalated to a hot topic.

The question posed by Brian Copeland was this, ” Is this sex addiction?” Of course my answer was that there was not enough evidence to render an opinion so he explored with me what constitutes sex addiction and what is the treatment? At the bottom of this article is the link to the interview. It provided a great opportunity to talk about the brain imbalance part of addiction along with the traumas in childhood that can impact the nervous system and influence this trajectory of addictive behavior.

Einstein once said that we cannot solve problems at the level of which they were created. Thus, detoxing the brain is critical to the recovery process of all addictions.

Sex addiction is considered in the field of addiction recovery, a process addiction, along with gambling, social media, workaholism, love, and co-dependency. One of the biggest challenges in recovery with process addictions is that once identified by an individual, they often do not undertake a full detoxification at the body,mind, and spirit levels as one does with substance abuse.

So what would that look like? I recently spoke at a conference on addiction recovery on the subject of “The Biochemistry of Change.” I stressed the importance of detoxification with non-substance abuse addictions. When an individual is in the early phase of recovery from a process addiction, undertaking a physical detox under the supervision of an acupuncturist, holistic MD, or naturopathic doctor can be useful. There are also facilities that specialize in this where you do juice fasts,colon cleansing, and certain yogic practices that can cleanse the body, mind, and spirit. One actually begins to think differently without ‘the craving brain’.

Twenty years ago (as a result of a combination of a co-dependent marriage and workaholic pattern) I developed adrenal exhaustion and the Epstein Barr Virus. I spent three weeks cleansing my body that resulted in deep emotional detoxification and self inquiry around traumas suffered in my childhood in an addictive family system. My time at The Optimum Health Institute saved my life and began my path of exploring the connection between food, emotion, and addiction.

It also lead to my initiating a meditation practice that also supported healing brain trauma. Recently, it became evident to me that I needed to begin including community support for ongoing healing in my process addictions. What I recognized in myself was that revelation of my patterns and self analysis ( even with my clinical skills) was not enough. When people in my field would ask me if I was in recovery, my stock response was to say jokingly: “Yes, I’m a recovering, co-dependent Catholic.” I have now expanded my own path of recovery to include a reduction in caffeine and sugar, live green foods that calm the body, strength training, and cardio exercise to support the lymphatic system every day.

The one aspect of process addiction recovery I had never explored is the influence of environment. I  always address it with my clients who are recovering from substance abuse issues but until moving to Marin, a place that feels like home for the first time in my life, I did not realize how toxic living in Los Angeles had become to my emotional and physical well being.

Addressing my own addiction issues in an environment that is healing has made it infinitely easier.  I am spending a good deal of time outside of work alone and yet nature itself has provided me closer spiritual companionship with the divine.  So, I can now see how important living and working in the right environment can be for one’s well being and recovery from any addiction.

I have also returned to a formal meditation practice to strengthen my ability to be the observer of my thoughts so that I can change them more easily. This was a discipline I had once practiced daily but had become lax around and thus, my own relapse into workaholism and co-dependency  had re-occurred. In the past I had attended Alcoholic, Alanon, and Overeaters Anonymous meetings with my clients in a supportive, professional role.

I do believe that relapse and its recovery provides an amazing opportunity for self compassion, self love, and a rite of passage into a new chapter of one’s life. The path I took is only one option. There are residential treatment facilities that specialize in this: locally there is Alta Mira Recovery Programs in Sausalito and in the South there is Pine Grove Behavioral Health in Hattiesburg, Miss. and The Bridge to Recovery in Kentucky.

The focus for me personally and professionally is not on dwelling on mine or my client’s addiction.  Through actively participating in body, mind, and spirit practices coupled with weekly meetings in a spiritual community that provide one on one counsel  (such as a sponsor in anonymous meetings, psychotherapy, or coaching) can  keep one’s self humble and honest and makes it possible to keep evolving  into a more ‘ “Wholy Self “.

I invite you to join me in reflecting on where process addictions may be operative for you. I am also available to work deeply on these issues at the body, mind, and spirit level in person at my home office in Marin County, at your facility or business, or by phone and Skype at 310-890-6832.

Peace to you,
Dr. Toni

Dr. Toni Galardi is an organizational consultant, psychotherapist, media psychologist and the author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. She can be reached through her office at 310-712-2600 or her website, LifeQuake.net. The link below is the clip from the show she guested on for ABC recently on sex addiction.
ABC Interview with Dr. Galardi

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Ask the LifeQuake Doctor – October

Friday, October 1st, 2010

Ask the LifeQuake Doctor

Dr. Toni Galardi

October Column

Autumn is officially here.  As someone who coaches people on the fear of change, I love the Fall. The green leaves turning such brilliant colors as they die.  Isn’t that a great metaphor for life? We are always in the process of dying every moment of our lives. The question is, do we live and die expressing our full passion in our work and relationships?

In keeping with my own philosophy, I decided to move to northern California because I always feel so joyous here.  What change can you make that would bring greater color to your leaves, I mean lives, that would make living the passing of each day without regret.

Dear Dr. Toni:

I have been following your column for a couple years now and I noticed on your website that you do dream interpretation. I don’t have the money to do phone coaching with you but I have had this dream I wondered if you could interpret.

I am approaching a forest like place but as I get closer, a tornado surrounds me. At first, I am frightened but it seems to move with me as I move toward the trees.  As I turn around and look behind me, my house has been destroyed. I keep moving and the tornado does not hurt me. When I go into the forest, it disappears. What do you think?

Dismayed in Berkeley

Dear Reader:

I do love working with people’s dreams. Dreams are a great vehicle for preparing for change. Dreams that involve natural disasters can often portend great changes in one’s life. Without knowing anything about your “day life” I would say this:  Your home may symbolize your foundation and security. The fact that it was destroyed but the tornado didn’t touch you is significant.

As you know, the eye of the tornado is often very peaceful so if you go into the center of yourself, perhaps through meditation, and yet keep moving forward, you will be safe. I also think that the metaphor of the forest is that “you might not be able to see the forest from the trees” in this transition, but, the lushness of the trees may represent that prosperity is coming from having ventured forth from all that was safe in your previous foundation. Just keep listening inside daily for what step to take next.

Dear Dr. Toni:

I am a divorced, single mother with two sons. I have my own business and do not go to bars. I am probably the last holdout in women my age who have not done internet dating. Because I have children, I question how safe it is to have men know my phone number and where I live.

What do you think about this for women who live alone with children?

Deborah H.

Dear Reader:

Dating period, is a crap shoot. Obviously, it is helpful to be introduced by a friend but the chances are slim of that happening very often so even if you meet someone in a class or at an event, you never know about people until you spend some time with them.

So, my advice is to get an answering service that is just where people can leave messages in cyberspace. They cost about $11 a month. If you don’t want them to have your number, many internet dating services have systems where you could communicate without your number being shown. Meet them away from your home and give out very little information until you feel comfortable that this is someone you want to see again.

However, I also would suggest that you release all fear and pre-conceived ideas about doing this new adventure. If you bring fear and paranoia to each date, you will draw out the worst in people. Internet dating gives you an opportunity to cast a wide net across the world. Be very specific in what you are looking for, share your authentic interests, and a picture that most looks like who you are now.

Good luck!

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive ( not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. She can be reached through her website for speaking opportunities at http://www.LifeQuake.net or for phone consultation at 310-712-2600.

Ask the LifeQuake Doctor – September issue

Friday, October 1st, 2010

Ask the LifeQuake Doctor

by Dr. Toni Galardi

September column

Well, summer is over and as we look to the season that brings both harvest and new beginnings, so as the leaves begin to die and turn brilliant colors, it is a great time to contemplate where in your life have things come to fruition and are in need of a new approach or palette for you to paint a new life design now.

Dear Dr. Toni:

I have been married for fifteen years and have a beautiful 10 – year – old girl that my husband and I both love very much. My husband and I have known each other for 20 years and started out as great friends. Until I met him, I primarily had romantic relationships with women. In fact I identified myself as as being gay. Then I became a Christian and very active in our church.

Recently I began to realize I was in love with a co-worker who has been promoted to become my boss. She is actually a few years younger than me and I resent taking orders from her. To make matters even more complicated, what I really long to do is have my own business but I need the paycheck. My husband and I tried to launch a business of our own but trusted the wrong people and it failed so we don’t have the savings for me to quit.  After my now boss became my boss she wrote me up for making sexual advances toward her although I felt I was simply appreciating how great she looked in her workout clothes.

I don know what to do. Should I look for another job? I’ve only been in this one a year and was fired from my last one because I had trouble taking orders.

Mixed Up

Dear Reader:

Well, there are many things operative here. “De Nile” ain’t just a river in Egypt.   When someone tells me they were gay until they became a Christian and got married, I find myself being very curious about exactly where those sexual feelings toward the same sex were put. Christianity or any formal religion cannot remove one’s natural inclinations. Now, had you told me you were bi-sexual prior to marrying, I would see this differently but there are many other things here to look at.

If your feelings for your boss are getting so obvious that she had to document them, you are clearly in the danger zone of being accused of sexual harassment. I encourage you to explore honestly if you are using your Christian beliefs to deny your true sexual preference.  Further, most people who are born to be entrepreneurs often have trouble taking orders from authority figures and keeping jobs because they have their own dream to make manifest and failing at one’s first business is not that uncommon.

Before you get fired again from this job, start exploring how to get potential investors, a small business loan, or a grant to begin launching your own mission and visit the local gay and lesbian center for counseling. They often provide services on a sliding scale. You need to address how you really feel about your husband and go into couple’s counseling to resolve this. Living authentically may come at a price but living a lie can ultimately cost you so much more.

Dear Dr. Toni:

My husband is a cheap tipper. It drives me crazy. Not only does he tip 15%, he doesn’t tip housekeeping when we go to a hotel. He also is not a big complimenter. I praise him all the time for how he dresses, what he does for me, and I tip the housekeeping staff when we travel thinking he will finally get the message but he doesn’t seem to. He never buys me any gifts but is a very generous lover so I’m perplexed. His position is that if he were to compliment me frequently, I wouldn’t appreciate it as much and he feels that 15% is adequate. Do you think there is a connection between emotional generosity and tipping the help well?

Frustrated

Dear Reader:

You don’t say how long you’ve been married or what his financial situation is. Some people will contract on tipping when they go through tough financial times. Waiters will tell you that tips have really been off the last 2 years. I also don’t know if this is a second marriage. Perhaps he was taken for a ride by his first wife.

Having said that, I do think there is a connection between being emotionally generous and financially generous.  We know from quantum physics that everything is manifested out of energy. Whether we are showing appreciation for our partner or to a waiter for good service, we are expressing gratitude and that registers energetically as expansiveness. Parceling out appreciation like coins from a change purse does not engender prosperity. Yes, there are millionaires who are known for being cheap tippers but having millions doesn’t make a person prosperous. There is an Italian word, “abbondanza”. It translates literally as abundance, but it mean more that, it also means class.  Italians are known for their generosity – with food, with laughter, with whatever they have.

Since he is a generous lover, tell him how sexy he is when he is generous with praise. How it turns you on.  Rent the film, “Dirty, Pretty Things” by Stephen Frears. It may provide some compassion from him for the service worker in hotels but more importantly, let him know how much it means to you when HE IS generous.

Buona Fortuna!

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. She can be reached through her website at http://www.LifeQuake.net or for consultation at 310-712-2600.

How to Thrive in Tough Economic Times

Friday, June 11th, 2010

What’s the solution to personal crisis during the recession?

     

     Nationwide; Job loss, divorce rate, foreclosure, catastrophic illnesses, climate disasters. These are all the heavy words that are drenching the airwaves and, at times, putting Americans into an even deeper depression. Many people are justifiably worried and have found themselves glued to media reports, desperate for the first sign of hope on the horizon. Dr. Toni Galardi, better recognized through her column and media appearances as the LifeQuake Doctor, has been advising her psychotherapy clients and audiences by the millions to reposition this crisis in their minds as an opportunity to recreate their lives and, as a result, become happier and more fulfilled.

    “My new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon, is a means to navigate through this time of uncertainty. It is a comprehensive guide for recognizing the light while still in the tunnel,” says Dr. Galardi. “Historically, disasters and evolutionary change has led to the emergence of a more solid, functional new society. Currently the majority of the United States is in stage three of the seven stages of a LifeQuake – the crisis and upheaval stage. During stage three, the calling to wake up and let go of the former, no longer viable, habits and material things is underway. One must learn to adapt to change at an increasingly rapid rate.”

    Times of great economic transition have always been accompanied by addictions. The founding of AA took place during the Great Depression when alcoholism reached epidemic proportions. Now, the dawn of the Internet has set out a new slew of addictive habits in YouTube, MySpace and other mind-numbing and counter-productive distractions. These behaviors coupled with substance abuse, excessive cell phone usage, television and the adult industry are all through the roof as Americans use destructive coping mechanisms instead of exploring new, innovative opportunities to thrive.

    Dr. Galardi has employed her LifeQuake Model to issues ranging from spousal affairs to economic catastrophe to cancer diagnosis. Her creation of the LifeQuake Model recontextualizes any curve ball life may throw and provides a path of hope throughout the darkest of times. Most books that deal with coping with change after the crisis do not address or provide a technology for preparing for change so that you can actually avert catastrophe. What makes this change model unique is that it provide the tools for forecasting radical change and teaches the reader how to adapt to change through strengthening the body, mind, and spirit. Each stage of the model has techniques and health advice for how to become the most physically, emotionally, and mentally agile person possible.

    The LifeQuake Phenomenon offers not only an escort through troubled periods, but also inspirational examples to illustrate the effects. LifeQuake ambassadors like Deborah Merlin, who used her son’s unfortunate ADHD condition as a catalyst to explore natural medicine and ultimately write a book to aid other parents, is a prime example of finding one’s true calling. For Diane Miller, an abusive marriage became her wake up call and vocation of destiny when she decided to take charge and become an integral part of getting new legislation passed on domestic abuse laws in California. Martin Rutte, author of Chicken Soup for the Soul at Work, went through stage two of his LifeQuake when he realized he was bored and uninspired in his work. Due to a strong sense of inner self, he was able to create a foundation that allowed him to easily prepare for a new destiny. Ben Johnson, one of the human potential leaders interviewed for The Secret, had become uninspired in his work as a holistic physician and the diagnosis of ALS led him to develop The Healing Codes and, ultimately, recover from a fatal illness. All of these LifeQuake case studies are available for media appearances alongside Dr. Galardi to demonstrate her model.

    Let Dr. Galardi and the LifeQuake Model illustrate the power of using hard times to reinvent ourselves. She is available for media interviews and speaking opportunities. She is truly an ambassador of hope and exemplifies The LifeQuake Phenomenon at its highest manifestation.

    Dr. Galardi is a public speaker, advice columnist, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval . 

    *About The LifeQuake Phenomenon

    Just as the planet experiences an earthquake when pressure builds from the core, complete with widening fissures and cracking foundations, what creates this seismic pressure in our bodies and psyches is our resistance to confronting an antiquated life. This resistance is composed of layers of faulty, inherited programs based in the belief that change means loss. The LifeQuake Phenomenon is your guide as you navigate through these ‘tectonic plates’ toward your personal awakening- an awakening into the authentic you that can ’spin on the dime’ of rapid change.

    This book provides readers with the LifeQuake Questionnaire followed by the step-by-step body/mind/spirit information that accompanies all seven stages of the LifeQuake Model. Further, readers are given unique tools to help build a secure inner foundation for adapting to change moment to moment. An added bonus, Dr. Galardi provides references to a multitude of cutting edge resources and profiles twelve well – known LifeQuake pioneers who have successfully mastered this path of radical transition. The LifeQuake Phenomenon is the definitive guide for journeying through this uncharted, evolutionary territory of our personal and global LifeQuakes. For more information or to purchase The LifeQuake Phenomenon, visit www.LifeQuake.net.  

    Ask the LifeQuake Doctor – June issue

    Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

    http://www.visionmagazine.com/archives/1006/1006_Lifequake_Toni%20Galardi.html

    Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor Dr. Toni Galardi

    toni galardi

    Dear Dr. Toni:
    I am working in Hollywood in a technical position that does not require a formal education. For many years, I only made $60,000 a year.  Due to a stroke of luck (which may be debatable) I was promoted to a director position with a production company and now earn over $300,000 a year. I know there are many people out there struggling so my problem may not seem very important but I don’t know where to turn.
    After I became a director I started using cocaine at parties, which eventually graduated to daily use. I was dating a really sweet girl and began cheating on her with a lot of different women. I worked with one of these women and when I tried to break it off with her she called my girlfriend, and now my girlfriend will have nothing whatsoever to do with me.  She has agreed to meet me for couples therapy but not to get back together. I’m not sure if that is the answer for us. I think we just need to put this behind us and move forward. I am not seeing any of the other women anymore. What do you think we should do, Dr. Toni?
    Bewildered in West Hollywood

    Dear Bewildered:
    I agree with you. I would highly suggest that you forget couples therapy too. What is called for, however, is not to expect her to simply move beyond your transgression because you say so. If you want to regain your girlfriend’s trust and use this crisis to grow into a more expanded self, I suggest you go into individual therapy and work on your self-esteem issues.  That you began acting out through sex and drugs when your income substantially increased is very telling.
    You didn’t disclose your personal family history but it might be useful to explore with a therapist the beliefs you carry about making a lot of money. It feels to me that you are self-sabotaging out of feelings of unworthiness. What was your mother and father’s beliefs about money and power? I would also suggest you go to either an AA or CA (Cocaine Anonymous) meeting. I pick up a lot of arrogance from your letter. One of the steps in a twelve-step program involves making amends. I would recommend you call every woman you had gratuitous sex with and apologize. Besides doing your own therapeutic work, humble yourself and agree to your girlfriend’s terms and attend couples counseling as well.
    Every “loss” has a gift for us if we choose to see it. Good luck with your journey to real esteem of self.

    Dear Dr. Toni:
    I am a stay-at-home mom and my husband has been laid off from work. He has been unable to get hired and he wants me to go back to work until he does. I was a teacher before we had children. I know I cannot make the kind of income that he was making and it seems silly to get a job teaching temporarily. He wants to give up our home, sell one of our cars, and live in an apartment until things turn around.  I do not think drastic downsizing is the answer. I am afraid we are going to end up stuck in a working class lifestyle with me as the only breadwinner.
    My husband and I are really fighting over this issue and I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to go back to teaching but I don’t know what else I can do. I can’t afford therapy or career counseling so I am writing you. Can you help, Dr. Toni?
    Ruth A.

    Dear Ruth:
    You would be surprised at how many couples have had to do role reversal since the economy crashed. In my phone-coaching practice, I worked with a guy who lost his job in corporate America and then decided to develop an internet business finding rare parts for motorcycles and now has this niche business that is international. His wife is an accountant who works outside the home while he cares for their child and runs his home-based business.
    Perhaps there is some kind of teaching you can do that is not in a formal academic setting. There are all kinds of seminar businesses where they train you to teach their material in the corporate workplace. Or perhaps you can start your own business teaching stay-at-home moms something you have a passion for. As for downsizing, I would suggest that you streamline your lives and cut out all the extraneous activities or expenditures before doing something as radical as selling the house, unless you are about to be foreclosed on. Empower your husband right now. He most probably feels terrible about not being able to provide for his family preventing you from being there for your children but you never know what gift lies in you moving back into a career and him spending more time with the children as he job hunts. Perhaps he can assist you in developing a home-based business while he continues his job search. Start doing some research and get outside your box. Change is gain, my dear!
     
    To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr). For those seeking phone coaching, Dr. Toni can be reached at 310-712-2600.

    Iceland’s Volcano: How Environmental Crisis Informs Evolution…or Not

    Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

    volcano Pictures, Images and Photos

    Evolutionary scientists claim that at every juncture when our species was making a major evolutionary shift, climate played a large role. Now, we can understand how primitive man became nomadic in order to find better food sources and thus a less harsh climate but how exactly is that playing out today? It seems that every time we get hit with a tsunami, earthquake, or most recently, volcanic ash, it stops mobility. People are either wiped out in large numbers or stranded from flying. When the 1989 San Francisco Quake hit, I was getting on a plane at Kennedy International in New York and it took 24 hours to get home. Rescuing Hurricane Kartrina victims was a travesty in delayed response.

    The recent chaos that ensued from a lack of coordination of European airlines cost them $1.5 billion dollars and kept 9.5 million people on the ground.
    According to the Wall Street Journal today,http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704133804575197363596504510.html?mod=WSJ_hpp_MIDDLTopStories
    “Airline-industry officials said the initial response of regulators across Europe was haphazard and created confusion for airlines and passengers, illustrating the urgency of implementing the European Union’s “single sky” project, under which air traffic and oversight will be coordinated across the 27-country bloc. Currently, airspace closures, airplane movements and most aviation rules are handled independently by national governments. Mr. Schulte-Strathaus said efforts by EU Transport Commissioner Siim Kallas and his team over the weekend that led to Monday’s decision to reopen airspace showed the value of close EU cooperation on aviation regulation.
    Journal Community

    Mr. Kallas’s spokeswoman said that if the new rules—planned for 2012—had already been in place, Monday’s decision could have been taken on Friday, avoiding four days of disruptions and financial losses.” This marks the biggest disruption in global aviation since 9/11.

    Ok, so let’s go back almost 9 years. We now know there were many warnings the government was given that an attack was imminent. We were warned about the levies in New Orleans. So, it is seductive to blame governments for not implementing policies or strategies that would prevent massive crises like these. We could make a case for asking, “why does it always take a crisis to get change in the world?”

    We could do that or we could do the harder thing and look into our own lives and ask the same question, “how is it that I wait until a crisis hits in my life before I move forward and make changes?” In my book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive not Just Survive in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval I assert that the evolutionary mandate at this juncture is surely not the one that Neanderthal man had to face: those who ran the fastest tended to survive. No, the evolutionary mandate now is how quickly do we assess that the ways we have been doing our lives are now defunct and make a change before it reaches crisis levels?

    Mother Earth is doing her best to wake us up, for sure. If we continue to rely on devastating crises to implement change, we will be living out Darwin’s survival of the fittest. Those who are hearty enough to survive climate catastrophes, plagues, and continuing economic contraction will be the ancestors of a newly evolving species. Adaptation to a crisis driven world is one vision for this evolutionary shift. There is however, another vision. If Gandhi and a myriad of quantum physicists are correct and we individually take on healing our addiction to crisis as a catalyst for change, our dear Mother, the planet may not have to “quake us up”.

    Here’s a vision: Individually, our LifeQuakes start to show up as mere awakening to the next level of our consciousness. We no longer hold the belief that change means loss. Change now is informed by a developed intuitive mind that creates a vision for one’s future that embodies thriving. We actually slow down long enough to notice when a chapter of our lives is coming to a close and we prepare for it, not resist it. The whole world then makes an evolutionary shift that eliminates scarcity.

    If I just choose to face what I need to change today to make my life thrive a little more and not just be in survival, just today, it starts to feel attainable.

    Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist/career coach, noted public speaker, columnist, and author.

    Ask the LifeQuake Doctor, April – Vision Magazine

    Friday, April 2nd, 2010

    Spring is here! Have you done a spring cleaning at the body, mind, and soul level yet? What is flowering in your life this season?

    Dear Dr. Toni:
    I have been in a long distance relationship with a man for the past six months who lives in Minnesota. I have made most of the trips to see him because my ailing father lives nearby.
    On the last day of every trip, he closes down and disconnects. Then he gets critical in his comments to me. I have mentioned this to him and on my last trip he took some time to examine his feelings. He shared with me that he doesn’t feel he can have a relationship at a time when his son is in crisis at school; his company is in peril, and he is about to lose his home.
    The problem is that once there is distance, he starts to warm up again and I get hooked back in. Should I cut off the relationship altogether or maintain a friendship by phone? I feel this deep connection with him and I know he feels it with me when he lets himself, but I cannot take this roller coaster ride when I’m with him.
    What should I do?
    Deborah

    Dear Deborah:
    It sounds to me that you have your answer. He has told you he isn’t available for a relationship. Can you be just his friend? Only you can answer this. If not, tell him you need a break to make the transition to a friendship and that you will call him when and if you can. Then, be your own best friend. What kinds of activities do you like to do? Make a list of 50 and start doing them. Make your life a joyful experience that any man would love to be invited into.

    Dear Dr. Toni:
    I have been a medical professional for 20 years and my practice has virtually dissolved in the last year. I don’t know what to do. I am going further and further into debt and I can’t get a 9 to 5 job that will cover my overhead. I am going to bed scared every night. I would ask my colleagues to send me business, but most of them are in the same boat.
    I have a feeling there might be something else for me to do with my life but I haven’t the faintest idea what that is. What do you suggest I do, Dr. Toni? I feel like I am running out of time and will be facing bankruptcy if I don’t act soon.
    Desperate in Brentwood

    Dear Desperate:
    I hear your fear and it probably is very little consolation to know that many people are in the same boat with you, and it might feel like that boat is sinking. There are a couple of things I would like to recommend. On the physical level, I suggest that you include a multi-mineral supplement with your breakfast or lunch and add some extra magnesium. This does two things: it supports the immune system in that it alkalinizes the body when you’re under stress (and the body becomes acidic), and it feeds the nervous system. Magnesium is especially good for this. The most absorbable magnesium is magnesium glycinate. Eating lots of leafy greens helps too. Secondly, make sure you are exercising four to five times a week at something that is not depleting to your adrenals. You can tell this by how you feel when you are done with your routine.
    Next, incorporate what I call emotional pulse checks, three times a day. Set an alarm on your computer or cell phone to go off and remind you to notice your breath. Take five minutes to consciously breathe down into your gut and set an intention for releasing all muscle tension from your body.
    Before you go to sleep, do my evening download technique of scanning your day and consciously releasing all events that registered stress in your body. Forgive yourself or anyone else who might have been a catalyst for that stress. Both of these techniques are on my CD, The LifeQuake Method and can be obtained by going to my Web site and clicking on http://www.lifequake.net/products.
    Next, if you go to the very bottom of the media page, there is a free video to view called “Connecting the Dots” which will give you an exercise for observing your life and discovering what gives you energy now. The gift inside your practice is the opportunity to reinvent yourself. As this chapter is ending you are entering what I call in chapter four of my book, “The Cosmic Barbecue.” Transition is never easy, but if you get in touch with disowned parts of yourself it can lead to your life purpose and more meaning in your career. Change is good. We just need to be calm enough first to recognize the clues to journeying on the path that is meant just for us!

    I am excited to announce that my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval is available April 14 in paperback through Amazon and Barnes & Noble online book stores.

    To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr.) For those seeking phone coaching, Dr. Toni can be reached at 310.712.2600.

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    Earthquakes And LifeQuakes:

    Friday, March 26th, 2010

    The book's official picture

    According to a report in National Public Radio, there’s a plan afoot among evolutionary scientists to launch a big new project – to look back in time and find out how climate change over millions of years affected human evolution. http://www.dnaindia.com/scitech/report_climate-change-may-have-driven-human-evolution_1363244

    In the first three months of 2010, we’ve had earthquakes in Haiti, Chile, Japan, Indonesia, and Turkey in addition to other minor quakes in states such as Hawaii, Alaska, Oklahoma, and parts of California. The largest quake in recent months has been the 8.8 earthquake in Chile. The quake is reported to have been strong enough to move the earth off her axis.
    This series of earthquakes has brought the subject of global warming and all its controversy back into the media. Much of the news about the ecology of our planet focuses on grim statistics and the crisis state we are in. Now that this is no longer a red-hot story with the focus on the tragic and tremendous suffering of those who survived, it seemed to me that now might be a good time to revisit this subject in its imminent pertinence to each of us personally.

    In my new book The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval, I talk about how environmental crises are linked to economic contraction, the increase in immune related illnesses, and the incidence of addictions skyrocketing. When understood, they can really be seen as just symptoms of an awakening process taking place for us humans. Scientists who study evolution might concur with me that the change in our environment and its fallout on humanity may have a silver lining. For those who choose to adopt a healthy diet, work on our addictions, and be more discerning in our spending practices without fear may be the group who adapts to evolutionary mandate and survives.

    I define “The LifeQuake Phenomenon” as an extraordinary, unprecedented leap in our current evolution … one that catalyzes a critical mass to learn how to adapt and thrive in the face of accelerated change. The planet itself will go on no matter what we do to it. It has survived many environmental crises throughout its history but it often brings on major climactic changes when we as a species are in need of evolving. This one controversial issue, global warming is pulling us all together no matter what our political affiliation, racial background, or even religious belief system. Through these global crises we are moving from our sectarian, tribal mentality to an identity as “planetary family”.

    However, if you are anything like me, by now, you have taken on some environmentally friendly practices like recycling, using environmentally friendly light bulbs, and maybe you even have or aspire to own a hybrid car but words like green initiative, carbon footprint, and sustainability are not a part of your every day language. In fact you might even feel pretty uneducated when it comes to “green intelligence.” As someone who feels pretty moronic on the subject of living green, I have pondered what I the average person who doesn’t really like to make changes that might involve discomfort can really do to contribute in a positive way to the environmental LifeQuakes™ taking place on the planet. There are plenty of people who can give you much better guidance on how to reduce your carbon footprint. There is however a way to live more greenly if you will that has nothing to do with your outer ecological habits. Picking up trash is great but there’s a lot of trash in your own head. It’s called, your thoughts. Thought pollution probably does more damage to the planet than something as unconscious as littering the left over paper refuse from today’s lunch on the neighbor’s lawn (shudder the thought).

    What might happen if you decided to start recycling your thoughts? What I mean by that is that as a thought comes up you think of a new way to use that thought. For example: You gained ten pounds last year and keep criticizing yourself because you haven’t stuck to a diet or exercised. Instead of the endless recording that goes around and around, what if you found a new way to think about that weight gain? You aren’t getting anywhere with the self judgment so what if you decided to tell your body that it was ok to have this extra weight because you actually need it right now and when you don’t need it anymore, it is just going to fall off. Yea, every time you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you will affirm, this weight is helping me feel more powerful and when I don’t need it to feel powerful, it is going to just come right off. And you can apply this to any unproductive habit or addiction.

    If thoughts create your reality, all those negative judgments about what you should be doing in your career or any other part of your life are just contributing to pollution, too. We all want clean air but how many of us think about a clean air space in between our ears? What if all it took for us to “save our planet” was to stop seeing ourselves as being not enough? There might be so much more room in our brains for creative problem solving. If we stopped polluting ourselves with toxic thinking, maybe the collective consciousness will shift. A massive but not crisis driven, planetary LifeQuake might quite naturally shift our ecological practices so that all the information we are being bombarded with in terms of green practices could be integrated into our lives without a lot of resistance.

    Yes, it’s true, I don’t know anything about carbon footprints but I do know that we can change our psychological blueprint from the one we inherited simply by paying attention to out thoughts and refining them so that pure, energy conservation replaces negative, obsessive chatter within our inner conversations. The cleaner the thoughts, the more agile the mind becomes in traveling through our neural-pathways. The more agile the mind, the less toxic and more creative we are. The more creative we are, the more likely we will come up with solutions for our world. Since this is the season of change, perhaps our pre-frontal lobe is a good place to clean house so that we can hold a consistent vision of our planetary future as one where every human being is thriving. Imagine that…

    Dr. Toni Galardi is a psychotherapist, public speaker and career coach. The soft cover of her new book The LifeQuake Phenomenon™ will be released in mid April. Her website address is www.LifeQuake.net and for phone coaching, she can be reached through her office at 310-712-2600.