http://www.visionmagazine.com/archives/1006/1006_Lifequake_Toni%20Galardi.html

Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor Dr. Toni Galardi

Dear Dr. Toni:
I am working in Hollywood in a technical position that does not require a formal education. For many years, I only made $60,000 a year.  Due to a stroke of luck (which may be debatable) I was promoted to a director position with a production company and now earn over $300,000 a year. I know there are many people out there struggling so my problem may not seem very important but I don’t know where to turn.
After I became a director I started using cocaine at parties, which eventually graduated to daily use. I was dating a really sweet girl and began cheating on her with a lot of different women. I worked with one of these women and when I tried to break it off with her she called my girlfriend, and now my girlfriend will have nothing whatsoever to do with me.  She has agreed to meet me for couples therapy but not to get back together. I’m not sure if that is the answer for us. I think we just need to put this behind us and move forward. I am not seeing any of the other women anymore. What do you think we should do, Dr. Toni?
Bewildered in West Hollywood

Dear Bewildered:
I agree with you. I would highly suggest that you forget couples therapy too. What is called for, however, is not to expect her to simply move beyond your transgression because you say so. If you want to regain your girlfriend’s trust and use this crisis to grow into a more expanded self, I suggest you go into individual therapy and work on your self-esteem issues.  That you began acting out through sex and drugs when your income substantially increased is very telling.
You didn’t disclose your personal family history but it might be useful to explore with a therapist the beliefs you carry about making a lot of money. It feels to me that you are self-sabotaging out of feelings of unworthiness. What was your mother and father’s beliefs about money and power? I would also suggest you go to either an AA or CA (Cocaine Anonymous) meeting. I pick up a lot of arrogance from your letter. One of the steps in a twelve-step program involves making amends. I would recommend you call every woman you had gratuitous sex with and apologize. Besides doing your own therapeutic work, humble yourself and agree to your girlfriend’s terms and attend couples counseling as well.
Every “loss” has a gift for us if we choose to see it. Good luck with your journey to real esteem of self.

Dear Dr. Toni:
I am a stay-at-home mom and my husband has been laid off from work. He has been unable to get hired and he wants me to go back to work until he does. I was a teacher before we had children. I know I cannot make the kind of income that he was making and it seems silly to get a job teaching temporarily. He wants to give up our home, sell one of our cars, and live in an apartment until things turn around.  I do not think drastic downsizing is the answer. I am afraid we are going to end up stuck in a working class lifestyle with me as the only breadwinner.
My husband and I are really fighting over this issue and I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to go back to teaching but I don’t know what else I can do. I can’t afford therapy or career counseling so I am writing you. Can you help, Dr. Toni?
Ruth A.

Dear Ruth:
You would be surprised at how many couples have had to do role reversal since the economy crashed. In my phone-coaching practice, I worked with a guy who lost his job in corporate America and then decided to develop an internet business finding rare parts for motorcycles and now has this niche business that is international. His wife is an accountant who works outside the home while he cares for their child and runs his home-based business.
Perhaps there is some kind of teaching you can do that is not in a formal academic setting. There are all kinds of seminar businesses where they train you to teach their material in the corporate workplace. Or perhaps you can start your own business teaching stay-at-home moms something you have a passion for. As for downsizing, I would suggest that you streamline your lives and cut out all the extraneous activities or expenditures before doing something as radical as selling the house, unless you are about to be foreclosed on. Empower your husband right now. He most probably feels terrible about not being able to provide for his family preventing you from being there for your children but you never know what gift lies in you moving back into a career and him spending more time with the children as he job hunts. Perhaps he can assist you in developing a home-based business while he continues his job search. Start doing some research and get outside your box. Change is gain, my dear!
 
To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr). For those seeking phone coaching, Dr. Toni can be reached at 310-712-2600.

Evolutionary scientists claim that at every juncture when our species was making a major evolutionary shift, climate played a large role. Now, we can understand how primitive man became nomadic in order to find better food sources and thus a less harsh climate but how exactly is that playing out today? It seems that every time we get hit with a tsunami, earthquake, or most recently, volcanic ash, it stops mobility. People are either wiped out in large numbers or stranded from flying. When the 1989 San Francisco Quake hit, I was getting on a plane at Kennedy International in New York and it took 24 hours to get home. Rescuing Hurricane Kartrina victims was a travesty in delayed response.

The recent chaos that ensued from a lack of coordination of European airlines cost them $1.5 billion dollars and kept 9.5 million people on the ground.
According to the Wall Street Journal today,http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704133804575197363596504510.html?mod=WSJ_hpp_MIDDLTopStories
“Airline-industry officials said the initial response of regulators across Europe was haphazard and created confusion for airlines and passengers, illustrating the urgency of implementing the European Union’s “single sky” project, under which air traffic and oversight will be coordinated across the 27-country bloc. Currently, airspace closures, airplane movements and most aviation rules are handled independently by national governments. Mr. Schulte-Strathaus said efforts by EU Transport Commissioner Siim Kallas and his team over the weekend that led to Monday’s decision to reopen airspace showed the value of close EU cooperation on aviation regulation.
Journal Community

Mr. Kallas’s spokeswoman said that if the new rules—planned for 2012—had already been in place, Monday’s decision could have been taken on Friday, avoiding four days of disruptions and financial losses.” This marks the biggest disruption in global aviation since 9/11.

Ok, so let’s go back almost 9 years. We now know there were many warnings the government was given that an attack was imminent. We were warned about the levies in New Orleans. So, it is seductive to blame governments for not implementing policies or strategies that would prevent massive crises like these. We could make a case for asking, “why does it always take a crisis to get change in the world?”

We could do that or we could do the harder thing and look into our own lives and ask the same question, “how is it that I wait until a crisis hits in my life before I move forward and make changes?” In my book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive not Just Survive in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval I assert that the evolutionary mandate at this juncture is surely not the one that Neanderthal man had to face: those who ran the fastest tended to survive. No, the evolutionary mandate now is how quickly do we assess that the ways we have been doing our lives are now defunct and make a change before it reaches crisis levels?

Mother Earth is doing her best to wake us up, for sure. If we continue to rely on devastating crises to implement change, we will be living out Darwin’s survival of the fittest. Those who are hearty enough to survive climate catastrophes, plagues, and continuing economic contraction will be the ancestors of a newly evolving species. Adaptation to a crisis driven world is one vision for this evolutionary shift. There is however, another vision. If Gandhi and a myriad of quantum physicists are correct and we individually take on healing our addiction to crisis as a catalyst for change, our dear Mother, the planet may not have to “quake us up”.

Here’s a vision: Individually, our LifeQuakes start to show up as mere awakening to the next level of our consciousness. We no longer hold the belief that change means loss. Change now is informed by a developed intuitive mind that creates a vision for one’s future that embodies thriving. We actually slow down long enough to notice when a chapter of our lives is coming to a close and we prepare for it, not resist it. The whole world then makes an evolutionary shift that eliminates scarcity.

If I just choose to face what I need to change today to make my life thrive a little more and not just be in survival, just today, it starts to feel attainable.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist/career coach, noted public speaker, columnist, and author.

Spring is here! Have you done a spring cleaning at the body, mind, and soul level yet? What is flowering in your life this season?

Dear Dr. Toni:
I have been in a long distance relationship with a man for the past six months who lives in Minnesota. I have made most of the trips to see him because my ailing father lives nearby.
On the last day of every trip, he closes down and disconnects. Then he gets critical in his comments to me. I have mentioned this to him and on my last trip he took some time to examine his feelings. He shared with me that he doesn’t feel he can have a relationship at a time when his son is in crisis at school; his company is in peril, and he is about to lose his home.
The problem is that once there is distance, he starts to warm up again and I get hooked back in. Should I cut off the relationship altogether or maintain a friendship by phone? I feel this deep connection with him and I know he feels it with me when he lets himself, but I cannot take this roller coaster ride when I’m with him.
What should I do?
Deborah

Dear Deborah:
It sounds to me that you have your answer. He has told you he isn’t available for a relationship. Can you be just his friend? Only you can answer this. If not, tell him you need a break to make the transition to a friendship and that you will call him when and if you can. Then, be your own best friend. What kinds of activities do you like to do? Make a list of 50 and start doing them. Make your life a joyful experience that any man would love to be invited into.

Dear Dr. Toni:
I have been a medical professional for 20 years and my practice has virtually dissolved in the last year. I don’t know what to do. I am going further and further into debt and I can’t get a 9 to 5 job that will cover my overhead. I am going to bed scared every night. I would ask my colleagues to send me business, but most of them are in the same boat.
I have a feeling there might be something else for me to do with my life but I haven’t the faintest idea what that is. What do you suggest I do, Dr. Toni? I feel like I am running out of time and will be facing bankruptcy if I don’t act soon.
Desperate in Brentwood

Dear Desperate:
I hear your fear and it probably is very little consolation to know that many people are in the same boat with you, and it might feel like that boat is sinking. There are a couple of things I would like to recommend. On the physical level, I suggest that you include a multi-mineral supplement with your breakfast or lunch and add some extra magnesium. This does two things: it supports the immune system in that it alkalinizes the body when you’re under stress (and the body becomes acidic), and it feeds the nervous system. Magnesium is especially good for this. The most absorbable magnesium is magnesium glycinate. Eating lots of leafy greens helps too. Secondly, make sure you are exercising four to five times a week at something that is not depleting to your adrenals. You can tell this by how you feel when you are done with your routine.
Next, incorporate what I call emotional pulse checks, three times a day. Set an alarm on your computer or cell phone to go off and remind you to notice your breath. Take five minutes to consciously breathe down into your gut and set an intention for releasing all muscle tension from your body.
Before you go to sleep, do my evening download technique of scanning your day and consciously releasing all events that registered stress in your body. Forgive yourself or anyone else who might have been a catalyst for that stress. Both of these techniques are on my CD, The LifeQuake Method and can be obtained by going to my Web site and clicking on http://www.lifequake.net/products.
Next, if you go to the very bottom of the media page, there is a free video to view called “Connecting the Dots” which will give you an exercise for observing your life and discovering what gives you energy now. The gift inside your practice is the opportunity to reinvent yourself. As this chapter is ending you are entering what I call in chapter four of my book, “The Cosmic Barbecue.” Transition is never easy, but if you get in touch with disowned parts of yourself it can lead to your life purpose and more meaning in your career. Change is good. We just need to be calm enough first to recognize the clues to journeying on the path that is meant just for us!

I am excited to announce that my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval is available April 14 in paperback through Amazon and Barnes & Noble online book stores.

To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr.) For those seeking phone coaching, Dr. Toni can be reached at 310.712.2600.

© 2010 Vision Magazine. All Rights Reserved. Vision Magazine is a ® Registered Trademark of Vision Global, Inc.
1281 University Ave., Ste. G San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: 619.294.2393 • Toll Free: 866.804.8444 • Fax: 619.296.1910 • Email: comments@visionmagazine.com
Home | Contact Privacy Policy

The book's official picture

According to a report in National Public Radio, there’s a plan afoot among evolutionary scientists to launch a big new project – to look back in time and find out how climate change over millions of years affected human evolution. http://www.dnaindia.com/scitech/report_climate-change-may-have-driven-human-evolution_1363244

In the first three months of 2010, we’ve had earthquakes in Haiti, Chile, Japan, Indonesia, and Turkey in addition to other minor quakes in states such as Hawaii, Alaska, Oklahoma, and parts of California. The largest quake in recent months has been the 8.8 earthquake in Chile. The quake is reported to have been strong enough to move the earth off her axis.
This series of earthquakes has brought the subject of global warming and all its controversy back into the media. Much of the news about the ecology of our planet focuses on grim statistics and the crisis state we are in. Now that this is no longer a red-hot story with the focus on the tragic and tremendous suffering of those who survived, it seemed to me that now might be a good time to revisit this subject in its imminent pertinence to each of us personally.

In my new book The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval, I talk about how environmental crises are linked to economic contraction, the increase in immune related illnesses, and the incidence of addictions skyrocketing. When understood, they can really be seen as just symptoms of an awakening process taking place for us humans. Scientists who study evolution might concur with me that the change in our environment and its fallout on humanity may have a silver lining. For those who choose to adopt a healthy diet, work on our addictions, and be more discerning in our spending practices without fear may be the group who adapts to evolutionary mandate and survives.

I define “The LifeQuake Phenomenon” as an extraordinary, unprecedented leap in our current evolution … one that catalyzes a critical mass to learn how to adapt and thrive in the face of accelerated change. The planet itself will go on no matter what we do to it. It has survived many environmental crises throughout its history but it often brings on major climactic changes when we as a species are in need of evolving. This one controversial issue, global warming is pulling us all together no matter what our political affiliation, racial background, or even religious belief system. Through these global crises we are moving from our sectarian, tribal mentality to an identity as “planetary family”.

However, if you are anything like me, by now, you have taken on some environmentally friendly practices like recycling, using environmentally friendly light bulbs, and maybe you even have or aspire to own a hybrid car but words like green initiative, carbon footprint, and sustainability are not a part of your every day language. In fact you might even feel pretty uneducated when it comes to “green intelligence.” As someone who feels pretty moronic on the subject of living green, I have pondered what I the average person who doesn’t really like to make changes that might involve discomfort can really do to contribute in a positive way to the environmental LifeQuakes™ taking place on the planet. There are plenty of people who can give you much better guidance on how to reduce your carbon footprint. There is however a way to live more greenly if you will that has nothing to do with your outer ecological habits. Picking up trash is great but there’s a lot of trash in your own head. It’s called, your thoughts. Thought pollution probably does more damage to the planet than something as unconscious as littering the left over paper refuse from today’s lunch on the neighbor’s lawn (shudder the thought).

What might happen if you decided to start recycling your thoughts? What I mean by that is that as a thought comes up you think of a new way to use that thought. For example: You gained ten pounds last year and keep criticizing yourself because you haven’t stuck to a diet or exercised. Instead of the endless recording that goes around and around, what if you found a new way to think about that weight gain? You aren’t getting anywhere with the self judgment so what if you decided to tell your body that it was ok to have this extra weight because you actually need it right now and when you don’t need it anymore, it is just going to fall off. Yea, every time you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you will affirm, this weight is helping me feel more powerful and when I don’t need it to feel powerful, it is going to just come right off. And you can apply this to any unproductive habit or addiction.

If thoughts create your reality, all those negative judgments about what you should be doing in your career or any other part of your life are just contributing to pollution, too. We all want clean air but how many of us think about a clean air space in between our ears? What if all it took for us to “save our planet” was to stop seeing ourselves as being not enough? There might be so much more room in our brains for creative problem solving. If we stopped polluting ourselves with toxic thinking, maybe the collective consciousness will shift. A massive but not crisis driven, planetary LifeQuake might quite naturally shift our ecological practices so that all the information we are being bombarded with in terms of green practices could be integrated into our lives without a lot of resistance.

Yes, it’s true, I don’t know anything about carbon footprints but I do know that we can change our psychological blueprint from the one we inherited simply by paying attention to out thoughts and refining them so that pure, energy conservation replaces negative, obsessive chatter within our inner conversations. The cleaner the thoughts, the more agile the mind becomes in traveling through our neural-pathways. The more agile the mind, the less toxic and more creative we are. The more creative we are, the more likely we will come up with solutions for our world. Since this is the season of change, perhaps our pre-frontal lobe is a good place to clean house so that we can hold a consistent vision of our planetary future as one where every human being is thriving. Imagine that…

Dr. Toni Galardi is a psychotherapist, public speaker and career coach. The soft cover of her new book The LifeQuake Phenomenon™ will be released in mid April. Her website address is www.LifeQuake.net and for phone coaching, she can be reached through her office at 310-712-2600.

BACK TO HOME PAGE

Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor Dr. Toni Galardi

Spring is coming! March 20 marks the Spring Equinox, bringing blossoms and new life. For those of you who have already reneged on promises made to yourself, this is a great time for getting back on the horse and initiating change. Take one habit that is holding you back from becoming the “best you” possible. Expect your destiny to change—in fact, declare it! Then write to me about your progress or any questions concerning what may be holding you back.

Dear Dr. Toni:
I have been an artist for almost 20 years. I am told my work is good but I have trouble with the PR part of the business. I hate having to show at gallery openings and talk about my work. I would rather just do what I do and have an agent market for me, but I am told that you have to be part of the selling end of things.
I am writing because I think part of it has to do with the fact that my father does not approve of me being an artist. He maintains that because I didn’t go to a professional art school, I lack credibility, so I always feel like a fraud when I have to promote my work publicly. Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do to get out of my own way?
Hiding Out in Encinitas

Dear Hiding:
Ah, yes. This is a common dilemma for many artists. The personality of the individual who can spend long days creating in isolation is often quite introverted. Public openings in galleries can feel downright painful. In your case though, I think that more is at play.
I would like to suggest that you use writing as a healing tool for releasing the beliefs you inherited from your father. One way for you to do this is to speak to your “inner father/judge” using your dominant hand and respond to this critic using your non-dominant hand. What this does is open the channel to your intuition and your “wholy” self.
For example, ask this question from your critic using your right hand if you’re right handed: “Who are you to think that you have what it takes to be taken seriously as a painter?” Answer the question with your left hand. Keep asking questions from the critic until you feel enough support from the answers given by your “wholy” self that you feel more at peace and you can surrender your resistance to promoting your work. Get in touch with the part of you that has experienced joy from your art and let that be your intention for what you want people to feel when they have one of your pieces in their home or office.

Dear Dr. Toni:
I’ve started a relationship with a man who lives in a part of the country I will never move to. I work from home and could live anywhere, but I don’t want to live in a hot, humid climate. He claims that he wants to move back to California, but not for 18 months—until his son graduates. It is really hard having long separations and I am questioning if I am wasting my time on someone who may never move back.
How does one decide whether to invest in something that could end in a year?
Lonely and in Love

Dear In Love:
My dear, love is a risk no matter where it shows up. If he were here, it would come with other risks. You don’t mention how often you see each other. You also don’t mention whether this is an exclusive relationship or what has been decided regarding a future with each other. Let’s presume you see each other once a month. If you don’t, by the way, I would insist on those terms if you need more contact. Secondly, I would not make it an exclusive relationship until there is a commitment in place. What will allow you to be more patient with the process of discovery is if you continue to date others and have a social life where you let it continue to evolve. If he wants exclusivity, define what the relationship is and what each of you expects over the next 18 months.
I have one last suggestion, should things progress. If there is a way for you to work anywhere, negotiate with him what you need in order for you to move to where he is. What kind of compromises do you need from him for you to relocate: Do you need a plan? Do you need a ring on your finger? Do you need him to accommodate your heat sensitivity by providing you with constant air conditioning at all times? Perhaps extracting a promise that he will never wear flip-flops and Bermuda shorts when he takes you to dinner will be comforting. The point is, be clear but do it with humor. You will get further in your negotiations, irrespective of whether you move there or not.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (Not Just Survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. She can be reached through LifeQuake.net or for consultation at 310.712.2600.

© 2010 Vision Magazine. All Rights Reserved. Vision Magazine is a ® Registered Trademark of Vision Global, Inc.
1281 University Ave., Ste. G San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: 619.294.2393 • Toll Free: 866.804.8444 • Fax: 619.296.1910 • Email: comments@visionmagazine.com
Home | Contact Privacy Policy

I have often been asked to summarize my own personal journey that led to writing The LifeQuake Phenomenon. Although most of it is revealed in the pages of this book, I decided to share just my story here in my blog. I warn you: it is the length of reading three blogs or about 5 pages of a self help book.

The LifeQuake Model was birthed after my third near fatal experience. I say near fatal rather than near death because NDE’s have a particular phenomenology highlighted by traveling through a tunnel and seeing a whitelight and family menbers or spiritual beings.

My near fatal experiences did not take me out of this life and in fact were characterized by long periods IN the tunnel, stuck between cycles of my life.

In the LifeQuake Model there are seven stages. Prior to my first near fatal experience when I was 21 years old, I was working on skid row fresh out of undergraduate school. I had moved to California six months before and finding a job had been difficult. However, having grown up in a white, middle class suburb the exposure to the mean streets of downtown Los Angeles proved to be quite the education I hadn’t received before. At first, I was fascinated by this subculture of people and their actual preference for living on the streets. There were doctors who had become alcoholics along with your usual addicts. But soon, this novelty wore off and I became bored with my job, feeling unchallenged by the work. Boredom is the first stage of a LifeQuake. Around this time I met my soon to be husband and he suggested I leave the job but I was fiercely independent and didn’t want him supporting me so I stayed. And when you don’t change your life at this stage, you enter stage two – the dying of the old life that is often characterized by depression. I started dreading going to work. I had to go to bed at 9 in order to be up at 5 and at work at 6 AM.

And then stage Three hit – the crisis and radical severance from the old cycle. One day, an addict got through reception high on PCP. I didn’t know he was on drugs. I just observed that he was causing a commotion with other patients in the facility and I went over to talk to him. Suddenly, he flipped out and started choking my throat. Everyone was stunned and paralyzed by fear except for one woman. She had been a doctor in Russia and had emigrated but had been forced to work as a phlebotomist in this facility. She was a big woman and began pulling on his arm. PCP infuses one with super human strength, unfortunately, so he threw her in one direction and me up against the wall and then ran out.

I was rushed to the hospital with hand print bruises all over my neck and began a three month course in rehabilitation. During this time, I began having nightmares in which the assault was taking place all over again. I had entered stage four. I was in a void. No job, no clue as to what to do next. My fiancé suggested I get therapy. During the course of my therapy, I started asking the therapist questions about her work and where she went to school. I had mentioned that as a kid my father nicknamed me Dear Abby because my friends would often ask for my advice. She suggested that perhaps I take a course and see if it was for me. I enrolled in graduate school and took one course. I loved it and started full time in the fall. This began Stage Five of my LQ. In stage five, you apprentice at what you discovered as your calling in stage four. Although I went on to be very successful as a psychotherapist and owning a beautiful home with two offices, stage six and seven as I came to know them did not crystallize for me until my next LifeQuake. In the LifeQuake model, stage six is the stage in which you experience life as abundant no matter how it shows up and it is this perception that creates wealth as you would have it. Stage seven is characterized by quantum altruism where the individual experiences that out of helping those they serve they themselves are served. This has a quantum effect and leads eventually to the entire planet having this consciousness of oneness.

My second LifeQuake began four years later when once again the cycle of my life was completing and I was afraid of making the change. I started feeling bored and unchallenged once again and I tried to quell the boredom with weekly shopping trips to South Coast Plaza and multiple glasses of wine every night after working all day with my patients. When this didn’t work, I started to feel like a zombie, dead man walking through my life. What ended stage two this time was a series of three car accidents in six days. In the second of the two accidents, my car spun like a tea cup at Disney land across four lanes of an eight lane interchange and stopped facing Friday night traffic. It was in the middle of this one that I surrendered my life for the first time and asked that my death not be painful.
But it didn’t fully wake me up until the third accident two days later when it now involved other people and I wasn’t even driving the car. Once again, during my recuperation, I realized my life in Orange County: my marriage, my career, and my home were all structures I needed to leave.

When I entered stage four this time, I had moved back to Los Angeles and had begun a serious search to discover who I really was. In this void, I meditated and waited to be shown my next calling. I was given these seven stages for helping me to overcome the fear of change by providing a context for holding my experience. However, this time around Stage Four was more complex. It was as though a Pandora’s box of diseases began to manifest: Epstein Barr, Hashimotos thyroiditis, candida, and a host of allergies.

I ran through all the money from my property settlement trying to find medical help for the physical challenge du jour. As I struggled to support myself, my body began to go through yet another kind of challenge. My electrical system had become extremely sensitive. Energy would shoot through my body like lightning bolts sometimes for hours at a time. I could feel earthquakes before they hit, I felt a body blow the day before 9/11 that put me in a fetal position on my sofa on Sept 10, 2001.

What I learned through the years though was to begin to notice when change was coming. So in 2001 I had my own internal tower of inferno through out the year leading up to my third near fatal experience. I had become very fatigued and was developing respiratory challenges and then unexplained rashes. I mentioned to my acupuncturist who was treating me that I noticed grey stains forming on the linoleum in my kitchen. She suggested that perhaps my symptoms had a geopathic origin. In other words, my house was making me sick. I called in an environmental consultant and was told that everything in my house was contaminated by the most virulent, toxic fungus there is. Everything would have to be torched that could not survive a 50% bleach solution.

I had to walk away from everything I owned once again. But this time there was no resistance. I walked out the door and lived in a motel for two months and it would be another year of healing and recovery and dim prognoses from doctors who did not know how to treat neurotoxins. I applied some of the visualizations I gave to my patients and began to cooperate with my own healing abilities, choosing to hold a different prediction for my health than what the medical community could provide. I realized that I had chosen at a soul level to walk the path of a wounded healer: that every illness I encountered I had to heal myself without medical intervention. Having this context to hold my journey in allowed me to surrender. I chose to hold my time in transition without my health, a partner, family to depend on, or monetary resources as a time of great prosperity and eventually it did turn.

Although I would never say I have mastered change, I have become very observant and agile, aware that it can all change in a New York minute. I notice when anything in my life is no longer viable, and that includes beliefs along with lifestyle.

Each major change has taught me to listen, observe, and adapt, listen, observe, and adapt. By listening and observing where change is happening subtly, I have learned to prepare for bigger changes coming. When you are prepared, nothing has to be experienced as a crisis. As I write this, I am aware that a big change is coming again. I am being shown through my sleeping dreams, people I am meeting, and environmental disruptions ( my house was hit by a run away car) that change is afoot and that I must detach from my life as I know it.

This road, however steep, has also taught me the true nature of impermanence– things, people, my body all will eventually disintegrate and what really matters is how I spend this moment. Am I risking telling the truth in this moment, even if it requires facing the fear of loss? Telling the truth in my career and relationships has liberated me to reveal a new life blueprint that is constantly evolving and not encased by the faulty layers of cultural programs I inherited.

Mastering the building elements of the seven stages of my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon reconstructs the foundation of your body, mind, and spirit so that it is adaptable to change and what emerges is an authentic connection to this moment.

Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor
Dr. Toni Galardi

As we embark upon the completion of the opening decade of the second millennium, I urge you to take the first two weeks of 2010 to reflect back on the last nine years and write about what you have learned. Where were you in your consciousness at the turn of the century and where are you now? What have you mastered and what still scares you? The subject of addiction since the death of Michael Jackson and the revelation of Tiger Woods’ behavior has provided an opportunity for us all to look at what substances, thoughts, and beliefs we ourselves are addicted to.

Dear Dr. Toni:
I am a 47-year-old executive and I’ve been married to a woman I love for 10 years. Ever since the Tiger Woods story broke, I have been questioning myself as to whether I am a sex addict. I don’t have a bunch of mistresses, but I do spend at least three cumulative hours a day at work looking at porn on the Internet. I am not having an affair with any real live women but something tells me that this isn’t kosher. I was eating lunch in my favorite restaurant near my office when I picked up this magazine and started reading your column. You seem to know something about addiction so I decided to write you.

Should I be worried? Is the mere watching of porn without my wife’s knowledge a problem? And do you qualify to be a sex addict if you are having sex with yourself?
John L.

Dear John:
The greatest thing about celebrities being busted for addiction issues is that it really opens up a dialogue about forbidden subjects. Inherent in what makes addiction so destructive is the secrecy it often entails. This brings me to you and your wife. The first step in healing any addiction is admitting you have a problem. As long as your wife is in the dark, there is most likely some shame you have about this behavior.

What makes this sex addiction is not the presence of a real woman, but the absence of honesty. Having sex with yourself is not the issue. Spending three leisurely hours on the Internet during a workday indicates that you are not passionate about your work and are displacing that need for professional passion through a sexual release.

I encourage you to work with a career coach and/or an addiction therapist who can assist you in getting to the root of this compulsion and explore the feelings you are avoiding through sheer pleasure seeking. It might also lead to marital counseling to rebuild the intimacy in your relationship that may have been lost through this addiction.

I also would like to recommend a book that has become the seminal work in the addiction field called Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., It can be obtained at http://www.amazon.com/Out-Shadows-Understanding-Sexual-Addiction/dp/1568386214

Dear Dr. Toni:
As the year closes, I have been thinking about my life. I know they say that in order to change your life you need to have a new vision of it. I am not a visual person and am having trouble seeing myself inside new circumstances. I contracted an illness as a child that rendered me visually impaired. It has been a hard road but I want to change my belief that my life is doomed to never have a relationship. I would like next year to be different for me. Your thoughts?
James H.

Dear James:
Rest assured, James. There are many people who do not process life visually. There are three dominant modes of taking in the world: visually, auditorially, and kinesthetically. People who are predominantly auditory tune into the world through their ears. We see this in musicians or people who have visual impairments. If you process through your hearing, you will listen for messages in how people speak or how your own intuition comes to you. If this is your dominant mode, perhaps the way to experience a new possibility for 2010 is to listen to CDs from people like Eckhart Tolle, Caroline Myss, Deepak Chopra or my own that is called The LifeQuake Method. If you are a music lover, listen to your favorite songs and let them inspire you to hear yourself six months from now telling a friend about all the changes you’ve made in your life since the beginning of the year. This begins to override the old program.

If you are kinesthetic, you process your world through your body. You feel your perceptions on a sensory level. If this is your dominant mode, you might try noticing what experiences in your day-to-day life feel uplifting or energizing. Keep a running list for three weeks and then begin to replicate those experiences more often every day. When you think about changing your life in 2010, think about all of the experiences you have had in your life that brought the feelings you want to have in this new year. Spend five minute a day remembering them and allowing for those feelings to be felt as intensely as possible.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a psychotherapist, career coach, public speaker, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive Not Just Survive in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. If you have a question you’d like answered, please write to DrToni@LifeQuake.net. For personal consultation, call 310.712.2600.

I have often been asked in interviews on the book tour for The LifeQuake Phenomenon how I came to write this book. The story behind it is quite dramatic but more than an actual book, the twenty year journey behind it not only radically changed me but called me to my mission. If you are floundering right now as to what your life purpose is, begin to notice what drives you. What over the course of your life have you been most inspired or passionate about? You may find your life’s most passionate moments form a theme.

Long before my LifeQuake journey began, in my second job out of college, I was hired to teach students, women’s groups, nurses, etc. tips on how to negotiate the world that would assist in preventing sexual assault. This idea of crisis prevention would follow me all my adult years even when I seemed to be unable to prevent massive crises in my own life.

If you are in career transition or confusion right now, take some time to notice what do you care about? Is it rescuing animals from lab testing, providing resources for the homeless, or simply getting behind advocacy on issues you care about.

The holidays can be a great time to not just volunteer but discover what is your driving desire that has nothing to do with a sale at Bloomingdale’s or having the perfect Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving or Christmas.

For me, when I lose touch with what I am truly passionate about, food becomes a great lure. You may find that you too have addictions you turn to when you’re bored, frustrated, or depressed.

If you are experiencing economic contraction or loneliness once again this holiday season, the best way to stay out of the “lack conversation” is to sit quietly and ride the wave of your feelings. Where are they stuck in your body? If you stay with it and not go to outer distractions, it will dissolve more quickly.

Once you release the anxiety or depression, take 15 minutes a day to sit quietly and ask the question, ” What is the opportunity that this time alone or career challenge is presenting, what am I being called to do now that I wouldn’t have considered if I were still in that job or relationship?” You may find that as you go about your day, the answer will show up in what you care about or an opportunity may come in that is a step in the reinvention process. I am including here a link to my latest blog that was an interview done with me on my journey to finding my mission and ultimately writing a book. http://www.lifequake.net/2009/11/20/the-lifequake-phenomenon-interviewed-on-fascinating-authors

The holidays can be more than great food and an exchange of gifts. Mindfulness can offer the greatest gift of all: your next life purpose. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sincerely,
Dr. Toni Galardi
“The LifeQuake Doctor”

Second acts
Some find upside in downsizing, as layoffs open new doors
New York Post
By VICKI SALEMI

Last Updated: 9:17 PM, November 2, 2009

Posted: 1:41 AM, November 2, 2009
When life handed lemons to Courtney Adams and Chris Merritt, they didn’t make lemonade. They made lasagna instead. Downsized within one week of each other last December and three weeks after signing their lease, the Harlem couple — she a former brand director in the music industry and he a former employee of a company that produced conferences — concocted an idea: Why not develop a business around Adams’ love for cooking?

“If there’s a passion you’ve always wanted to pursue, I can’t imagine a better opportunity to do it,” says Adams.

“You can’t spend 24 hours a day looking for a job, so you might as well make the best of your time trying to make some money on your own.”

So they created a business plan, developed a Web site and launched Uptown Comfort (“Good Food for Bad Times”), a comfort-food catering business with favorites like barbecued chicken sliders, lasagna and cornbread.

“Being unemployed has been a truly defining experience,” says Merritt. “After so many years working with many parameters and expectations, you suddenly are free to define those parameters for yourself.”

For Dan Nainan of Chelsea, a former strategic relations manager at Intel, getting the ax meant being free to hang up the corporate suit and pick up a mike. He’d started flexing his comedic muscles by performing on weekends, as his job took him around the world doing technical demos in front of large crowds. After he was given the pink slip, the action plan became a no-brainer: Nainan pursued stand-up comedy full-throttle.

Since then, he’s been booked solid. He’s performed at the Democratic National Convention, did three Obama inaugural events in January and just shot a commercial for Apple, to name a few. And he owes it to an event that at the time seemed anything but a boon.

“I loved my job and wouldn’t have had the guts to leave on my own,” he says.

Not every layoff victim ends up finding a blessing in disguise in a pink slip, but such experiences are a lot more common than one might think, says Rachelle J. Canter, president of the executive coaching firm RJC Associates and author of “Make the Right Career Move.”

“How many of us have been miserable in jobs but afraid to make a change because we don’t know how to land a new job and are often too scared to try?” she says.

When she did a survey several years ago of employees who’d lost jobs, “the vast majority said losing the job was the best thing that ever happened to them because they needed a kick in the pants to find jobs they liked much more.”

On a roll

For Michael Dolan of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, the kick in the pants came the day he was downsized from his job as a publicist for a technology software company in SoHo.

“I was totally blindsided,” he said. “Things seemed like business as usual and then, boom! No job.”

Disillusioned and worried about paying the bills, he nonetheless realized he’d been given an opportunity to focus on his love for bicycle racing, something his intensive work schedule hadn’t allowed.

“For the past six months I’ve been training two hours a day and racing competitively on weekends. I’m in the best shape of my life, completely destressing and having a blast,” he says.

And biking has done more than tone his thigh muscles — it’s opened up a possible new career.

Having discovered a love for taking photos of bike races, Dolan recently landed his first paid photography gig, and is considering pursuing that line of work full-time.

“I’ve been shooting as many events as I can, sending out my photos to magazines and Web sites, and improving my post-production skills by learning Photoshop and Lightroom,” he says.

“Getting laid off feels like you’re being pushed off a cliff. I figured I would just make the best of it. Put yourself out there and you may discover a hidden skill.”

Whether he knew it or not, Dolan was following the advice given to pink-slippers by psychotherapist Dr. Toni Galardi, the author of “The LifeQuake Phenomenon,” which addresses taking advantage of times of crisis to make life changes. If you’ve got a hobby or an outlet that you enjoy, pursue it; if you don’t, find one.

“The key during career transition is to stay passionate,” she says. “The vibe you give off will attract opportunities if you’re doing something you love every day besides job searching.”

For Suzette Banzo, being able to follow her bliss was exactly what was missing from her life during the 16 years she spent working for Verizon, first in quality assurance and then doing budget analysis.

“It was impossible to get time off from my job to pursue anything of interest to me,” she says.

Getting downsized took care of that issue, and it led her in an unexpected direction — modeling. It started when she was approached at a fund-raising event by the owner of a training program for plus-size models, who suggested she could do well in the business.

“I thought she was crazy,” says Banzo — but soon she was on the catwalk. Since then she’s shot a commercial for Kodak and walked the runway for Full Figure Fashion Week, which landed her a gig as a signature model for Hearts Desire Jewelry, and a role as the company’s East Coast sales representative.

“The designer tapped into my marketing degree, and we now collaborate on promotions and marketing strategies,” she says. Once frustrated as a “creative person in a finance job,” she says, “I’ve spent the last year being everything I had put on hold for far too long.”

Even for those who are content in their careers and aim to return to their industry, a layoff can provide an opportunity to do something meaningful.

Rob Morrison, a former NBC news anchor, learned this when he was bought out of his contract last year, and found “an unexpected gift” in staying home with his 3-year-old son Jack.

Something else unexpected came out of it, when the 20-year veteran of broadcast news launched a popular blog on Huffington Post called “Daddy Diaries: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Anchorman.”

“To have an outlet like that was key, and gave me a break from Handy Manny and Mickey Mouse,” says the Upper West Sider. Plus, he notes, it was a great way to keep his name out there.

Back on his feet, now with CBS2, Morrison looks back at his 16-month sabbatical as a mitzvah.

“I logged a lot of playground hours and got to watch my toddler turn into a little boy,” he says. “It was fascinating.”

His blog came to an end when his unemployed days did, but he’s since been contacted by a filmmaker who’s doing a documentary on the recession, and is interested in featuring Morrison, and possibly using him as a writer or narrator.

Shifting gears

As the job market opens up, what happens to blossoming side gigs? In some cases, like Morrison’s, they may fade into the background. Merritt of Uptown Comfort landed a new job at Macy’s as special-events manager, but is still helping out with strategizing for the catering business.

Adams is still on the hunt. And she hopes her experience starting and running the business is an extra selling point on her resume, where it’s listed in the skills and achievements section. In an interview, she says, “I’d present it as a learning experience that culminated from not being employed and needing to direct my talents to do something productive.”

Such ambition and drive is likely to impress a prospective employer, notes Canter.

“Is there an employer who dislikes initiative or who prefers candidates that lounged around the house or perfected their golf game while laid-off?” she asks.

While Adams hopes to keep the business going even should she land full-time work, she says she’d be quick to tell a potential employer that she’d hand over management to one of her consultants or fold the business if there were a conflict.

For her part, Banzo hopes to continue finding ways to use her marketing skills within the plus-size modeling business, and is trying other things as well, including writing for a trade magazine that covers the industry. She’s not entirely sure where this new road is headed, but has no doubt it’s a detour she’s glad to have taken, even if it wasn’t initially by choice.

“I feel like I’m finally living my life,” she says.

* print
* email
* dropdown share
o buzz
o digg
o reddit
o fark it
o facebook
* rssrss

When life handed lemons to Courtney Adams and Chris Merritt, they didn’t make lemonade. They made lasagna instead.

Downsized within one week of each other last December and three weeks after signing their lease, the Harlem couple — she a former brand director in the music industry and he a former employee of a company that produced conferences — concocted an idea: Why not develop a business around Adams’ love for cooking?

“If there’s a passion you’ve always wanted to pursue, I can’t imagine a better opportunity to do it,” says Adams. “You can’t spend 24 hours a day looking for a job, so you might as well make the best of your time trying to make some money on your own.”
SALAD DAYS: Laid off from the music industry and looking for a job, Courtney Adams decided to parlay her love of cooking into a catering business.
Lorenzo Ciniglio/Freelance
SALAD DAYS: Laid off from the music industry and looking for a job, Courtney Adams decided to parlay her love of cooking into a catering business.

So they created a business plan, developed a Web site and launched Uptown Comfort (“Good Food for Bad Times”), a comfort-food catering business with favorites like barbecued chicken sliders, lasagna and cornbread.

“Being unemployed has been a truly defining experience,” says Merritt. “After so many years working with many parameters and expectations, you suddenly are free to define those parameters for yourself.”

For Dan Nainan of Chelsea, a former strategic relations manager at Intel, getting the ax meant being free to hang up the corporate suit and pick up a mike. He’d started flexing his comedic muscles by performing on weekends, as his job took him around the world doing technical demos in front of large crowds. After he was given the pink slip, the action plan became a no-brainer: Nainan pursued stand-up comedy full-throttle.

Since then, he’s been booked solid. He’s performed at the Democratic National Convention, did three Obama inaugural events in January and just shot a commercial for Apple, to name a few. And he owes it to an event that at the time seemed anything but a boon.

“I loved my job and wouldn’t have had the guts to leave on my own,” he says.

Not every layoff victim ends up finding a blessing in disguise in a pink slip, but such experiences are a lot more common than one might think, says Rachelle J. Canter, president of the executive coaching firm RJC Associates and author of “Make the Right Career Move.”

“How many of us have been miserable in jobs but afraid to make a change because we don’t know how to land a new job and are often too scared to try?” she says.

When she did a survey several years ago of employees who’d lost jobs, “the vast majority said losing the job was the best thing that ever happened to them because they needed a kick in the pants to find jobs they liked much more.”

*

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/business/jobs/second_acts_NgA55jRydcHTeGjNqgeFGO/0#ixzz0WBWhBuIn