The LifeQuake Blog

When people are diagnosed with a catastrophic illness, people rally around to support…in the acute stage. However, if that illness cannot be cured with a round of chemo and radiation it is difficult for most people to be supportive for years when the illness becomes chronic and debilitative. So how do you live with the incapacitating pain over many years when many of your friends may have disappeared?
The answer is simple, it’s the solution that is the challenge. You turn it into a LifeQuake. The difference between the chaos and stress one experiences when a crisis hits and the chaos and stress one experiences when you turn it into an awakening to a fuller potential you can be summed up in one word: context. Do you hold the experience in terms of the loss to your life as you have known it or do you choose to interpret this challenge as grace?
Here is one technique for transforming the belief that you have lost your health into taking a stand that out of this experience, you will become healthier:
Envision yourself in radiant health. What I mean by that is that you are happy and are glowing- radiating love like a person does when they are in love. Now, place your hands over your heart and imagine you are using your hands to direct love toward a pet or someone you have deep, positive feelings for. Once your hands start to get warm, direct that same intention of tenderness and unconditional love toward yourself, setting an intention that you are sending healing into your own body. After a few minutes, place your hands over your face, and keep radiating love toward your face.

Whether you have an illness or not, this technique will start to make you radiate and glow. Now go out and spread that energy through your smile to everyone you meet. This has a huge impact on the immune system, your emotions, and the well being of your fellow humans. Altruism takes many forms. When we choose to love ourselves in spite of whatever pain we are experiencing, we move the whole world forward. We assist all of humanity toward a new consciousness in which chaos and upheaval becomes the deconstruction of something that is no longer viable and the reconstruction of a new identity that is based on how much you love, not what you look like, how much money you have in the bank, or how much career clout you have.
Yes, long term illnesses can become the very thing that makes you the most powerful person imaginable.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis coach, author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval and survivor of three near fatal experiences.  For personal consultation, she can be reached at 310-712-2600.

The first step in learning how to stop worrying begins with prevention so that you don’t have to do an unnecessary first step in having to undo the habit to begin with. Even if you come from a long line of worriers and have a propensity toward the behavior you can still enlist habits that will minimize the tendency to begin with. So begin with looking at your health habits and set an intention for sticking to a balanced diet.

Eliminate highly caffeinated drinks (coffee, black tea, and red bull) that will heighten anxiety if you are in a highly stressed circumstance. Sugar also intensifies the nervous system and causes mood swings. It is important that if you are going through a LifeQuake or are prone to worry, that you make sure you eat a balanced diet of protein, complex carbohydrates, and healthy fats. When people cut out complex “carbs” as a way of losing weight it reduces serotonin, the neurotransmitter that keeps us calm, so by making sure that you eat brown rice, sweet potatoes, and whole grain pasta, you will keep your brain well balanced.

Another very important health habit that helps to prevent or reduce worrying is getting eight hours sleep a night. If you make it a habit of not watching the news or any television programs that have a violent or negative emotional tone in the evening and you spend thirty minutes decompressing before getting into bed (taking an Epson Salt bath, reading books with an uplifting message, meditation,etc) you will find that your nervous system will allow you to sleep more easily through the night.

3) If you are awakened by worrisome thoughts, get out of bed. Go into another room and sit in a comfortable chair. Bring your awareness to your breath. Now, scan your body and notice where you are feeling anxious. Is it in your chest, your throat, your head, etc? Bring your breath to the place you are holding the fear and ask to be shown a symbol for the feeling. For example, it might be a broken down shopping cart.  Ask the symbol, what is it afraid of? The answer might be – of being homeless or of not being able to buy food for your kids, etc
When I work with clients, sometimes they don’t know why they are worried. Scanning your body for where you are housing the worry and asking for a symbol makes it easier to get an answer. Our subconscious mind operates symbolically more than with words which is why our dreams are fraught with symbols.

Once you have a sense of what you are really afraid of, ask for a symbol that represents peace and trust. Trust is the antidote for worry. You cant worry and trust at the same time.  So, say the symbol for trust is an open hand. Imagine the open hand replacing the broken down shopping cart in your body. Breathe into it and then place it inside your heart with your intention.

Now ask your heart for one message that will help resolve your fear. For example, if your worry is that you are going to lose your job, now that you have brought calm into your body, ask your heart what action step do you need to take on this issue. Should you be pro-active in looking at other career options right now, for example. People often sense months in advance that they might be in for a big career change but instead of taking action they put their head in the sand and hope the tsunami isn’t going to hit them.

Another tip for dealing with worry is from my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. I call it Name that Fear. Make a list of five things you are worried about. Do the exercise above with breathing into where you are storing the fear. Now exaggerate the feeling. Make it even bigger. Tell yourself to worry even more about the issue. Give yourself permission to really intensify the feeling. The feeling will lessen simply by you giving it permission to get even bigger.  Now next to the list of five things you are worried about, put your pen in your non-dominant writing hand and write a solution to the worry. By placing your pen in its non-dominant hand, you open the brain to more expansive options.

 Some of our worries about moving into transition for example may come from childhood and we need to go back to the original experience and relive it with the feeling of safety. Think about all the times you have succeeded at things you were at first worried about. Now ask yourself, How old you were when you first started the pattern of worrying? Bring the successful adult you back to the first experience you had of being in a new situation where it was a traumatizing or painful event.
For example, see the six year old you at school for the first time. Imagine the adult you being with the six – year – old child protecting him or her from harm.

Surround yourself with positive people who think expansively and creatively and remain trusting even at times of uncertainty. Worry is infectious but so is happiness so if you tend to be a “worry wart”, stay away from negative people as much as possible.

And lastly, learn how to meditate. There are countless books on meditation techniques on the market and if that proves too difficult, go to my website, www.LifeQuake.net/products and buy The LifeQuake Method CD. There are guided meditations that can help break the worry habit and if all that fails, there is always PASTA!

There is no doubt that we are in challenging times.

Being a good parent requires so much more of the typical American mom and dad than in any other previous generation. With both parents working at some point in a child’s life in most households, there is a lot to juggle. Women have a fraction of the testosterone that men have and yet are expected to perform at both work and home at very high levels. When we empty out of testosterone, we start using adrenal fluid and this is what causes adrenal exhaustion, immune deficiency and life burnout.

So here are some tips for the whole family in coping with daily stress and hopefully preventing catastrophic illness. 

1. This is the building block tip so really take this one in: get at least 7 hours sleep a night. sleep is what rebuilds the cells of the body and allows you to cope with sudden changes and daily responsibilities.
2. Eat breakfast and include some kind of protein, vegetable or animal based. if your body does not have fuel to burn, it burns away at muscle mass. Your blood sugar being stable allows you to handle whatever comes your way more efficiently.
3. Stay hydrated. Our bodies are evolving and the human species are needing more water than they once did. The more coffee, tea, or carbonated drinks you have, your body becomes dehydrated and you require even more water.
4. Making sure you balance everyone’s time on the computer with cardio-vascular exercise. Studies have shown that the whole world is becoming more obese because we are using machines that once required manual labor and even rural farm areas around the world are getting fatter. Exercise is one of the best ways to de-stress by increasing endorphins and reducing global warming. According to the New York Times, May 2008, obese people consume 18% more food than normal weight people and use transportation that requires gas more often than those who ride their bikes or walk to get around.
5. It is important to pay attention to signs of stress in your family. Do you notice a family member becoming more impatient, flying off the handle at the least little thing. Are your children eating more than usual and gaining weight? Is your husband or wife drinking having an extra glass or two of wine every night? Are your children’s grades dropping suddenly? are you or your spouse working longer hours? If you see these signs, it is important to address it lovingly before it becomes a crisis.
6. There is an old adage, the family that prays together, stays together. I think there is an extrapolation of truth here. Setting aside time every night, even if it is only fifteen minutes, to connect with each other is important to the strength and cohesiveness of a family. Children who know their parents are taking the time to just sit with them and go over the day, feel more secure in meeting the challenges of school and peer pressure.
7. Evaluating how many activities everyone is involved in. Children whose lives are over committed can get stressed out from not having enough down time and that goes for parents too.

In summary, the simpler your lifestyle, the better it is for everyone in the family’s mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well being.