Dear Dr Toni:

My boyfriend has been seeing another woman behind my back for the past four months. I confronted him three times over the past two months and then he finally admitted it yesterday. We made a vow to each other early in our relationship that we would never be unfaithful to each other as he had done with his wife. When I reminded him of this, he passed it off as things you say idealistically in a new relationship. He also thinks that because they didn't have sex yet it wasn't cheating. What do you think, Dr. Toni? Will they experience karma from this even though they technically didn't have sex?

J.W.N.

Dear J

Funny how we can absolve ourselves with technicalities. That almost got President Clinton impeached! So, this is a good question because it speaks to the question, what, in our new cyberspace world constitutes the boundaries of a relationship? There are tons of internet affairs going on between people who are married to someone else. Since we are all energy and not just our bodies, if two people commit to a sacred trust of monogamy, betrayal of that trust does not begin and end at the touching of body parts. In fact, the forbidden aspect of not sleeping together makes the energy build even stronger. There were three people in this relationship and one of them did not have a say in the inclusion of the third party. You didn't mention as to whether the other woman knew about you but let's assume she did. She too stepped over a boundary into someone else's relationship before it was complete by continuing to see him.

As for karma, karma is a soul pattern, effective or non effective in its impact , J. The universe does not punish. It is merely cause and effect. You are learning your lessons,now. They will learn from this experience when one of them does the same thing to the other or in some future relationship. Perhaps, his disclosure to you regarding his past history was a clue to pay attention to. Now it is something for you to be aware of in a future relationship. Also, it behooves us all J, to have a heightened awareness of leaking sexual energy where it doesn't belong if we are still in a committed relationship, whether that is in person or over the world wide web.

Dear Dr. Toni:

I have been working as a waiter who acts and writes occasionally for over twenty years. I have been told I am a talented writer and yet I only put in about 15% of my off hours into writing and going on auditions. In the past five years, I have had trouble keeping my restaurant job for more than 6-8 months. At some point I seem to always have a personality clash with my boss or another employee and I end up out of work again. I feel stuck. What should I do, Dr. Toni?

George

Dear George:

If you've been waiting tables for over twenty years and that is where most of your time is spent, this sounds like where you need to be. I'm assuming that you are now in mid life so perhaps your co-workers and bosses are all younger than you. If a pattern of losing jobs began to emerge fifteen years into this career perhaps it is because you have a knowledge of restaurants that surpasses the people you work with and they are intimidated by you. Do you tend to act like a know - it - all in some way? And is some of that coming from a desire to be in a position of power that you aren't feeling in this entry-level job? I sense there is some fear of your own personal power that is keeping you stuck. Perhaps you are holding onto a concept of yourself as an artist that dignifies your "day job". Wherever attention goes, energy flows. If only 15 % of your energy is devoted to your creativity, perhaps you are meant to be creative running a restaurant. Allow yourself to imagine how you would feel if you were in charge. What kind of restaurant would you want to have if it was your own or with a partner? If you experience a positive energy mixed with a little fear, you're on the right track. Since only 15 % of your life was devoted to writing and auditions, you can certainly accommodate that as a restauranteur. Now, every day before you go to work, imagine yourself working in your new place. Energize it with joy and faith. And then thank the universe for sending you a partner who will come in with the financial backing.

Sometimes, a career transition means staying in the very field and business we think we need to leave. Being an artist can take many forms. Integrating the desire to be one with its best manifestation means telling the truth to ourselves as to what we are truly drawn to and connecting the dots. Who knows, you may become the first restaurateur outside of France who wears a black beret to work!