The LifeQuake Blog

In the past four days I have been contacted by three people who all were in vehicular accidents: two auto, one motorcycle. In the midst of this I was a guest on a television talk show called View From the Bay. see
http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=view_from_the_bay/everything_else&id=7079894. I referenced having had three car accidents in 6 days and have certainly referenced it in my public speaking and other blogs. I realized however, that although I go into more depth about the symbolism of car accidents in my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon, I haven’t discussed in greater depth what they can symbolize in my blog.

Have you ever had a dream where you are the driver of a car and the brakes go out at high speed or you are a passenger and the driver is navigating recklessly all over the road? The first of these can mean you feel your life is out of control and moving too fast. The latter can mean you feel that someone else is in control, recklessly in the driver’s seat of your life. Cars in dreams often symbolize how we are moving through our lives. In the second stage of one of my client’s LifeQuake, he received four parking tickets in a two week period and then his car brake disengaged while parked and rolled into the street. My interpretation of this was that he was over parked in his life and needed to move on from a career he no longer wanted.

In my case, I needed to leave my marriage and was hit from behind three times to push me forward. You really know you need to move on when you think the answer is to stop driving and then get hit while you’re a passenger in the back seat! This was the third and final experience that got me to realize I was holding onto a life that was over.

In a city like Los Angeles, people are very identified with their cars. A car accident can represent a structural change. When a person incurs a back or neck injury, they see a chiropractor unless it requires the medical intervention of an orthopedic surgeon. The opportunity that seeing a chiropractor during a time of great transition provides is that you have to get off “the hamster wheel” and lay still while someone re-aligns your neck and spine three times a week for six weeks. The combination of this pause and restructuring can be used to contemplate the meaning of your accident and what it is trying to tell you.

I would suggest that any illness can be used to turn inward and ask what the function of this is for your life. Besides car accidents, I have found that when I’ve had the flu or a head cold that kept me in bed, I would do this little exercise.
Imagine there is a beautiful ball of light three feet above your head. Breathe in this light through the top of your head. Focus its energy on your neck and spine if you’ve had an accident or are in pain there. If your chest or head is congested ( such as in a cold) focus the light there. For five minutes, just breathe a warm, golden light into your body and then bring your awareness to your heart. Breathe the light into your heart. Now, once you feel a little peace and quiet there, imagine a spiritual guide that you either see or feel the presence of. Ask the guide this question, ” what do you want me to know right now? What is the next step I need to be taking in my life? And then listen patiently for the answer. It may come immediately and it may come at a later time when you least expect it.

When you are back on the mend, you will now be more awake and pro-active. The key to no longer needing wake up calls like car accidents and illnesses is to develop a daily practice of turning within and asking this question: what is my next step? and then decide. Everything comes from your decision. It is all you need to know because it is all you can do next.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, transitions coach, and public speaker. She works with people all over the world by phone. 310-712-2600.

In the course of 24 hours, one friend and one client shared with me stories of what happens when you reach out to a complete stranger in need, even when it means you’ll be late for your next appointment. The first story began a few weeks ago. It is told in its entirety in the following articles, the second link is a slide show done by a photographer for the L.A. Times.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-bessie16-2009oct16,0,7618199.story

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-bessie-vid,0,6819231.htmlstory

Now, what is telling about this story is, he could have just given this homeless woman and her children money and have been on his way. He went a step further – he wrote to every staff writer at The LA Times until one took interest and it ended up on the front page.

The second story occurred a few days ago at 4th and Wilshire in Santa Monica, Ca. A wealthy woman had just come out of a building from seeing her accountant. Dressed “au currant” down to her Christian Louboutin shoes, she happened to hear frantic cries coming from a bus parked near by. The bus driver was trying to assist a 70 year old man who had fallen badly and had a gash in his leg so deep that he was bleeding profusely. The bus driver had attempted to stop the blood to no avail. My friend immediately instructed him to move the man to the park bench from the bus steps and get his leg elevated. She then reapplied the make shift tourniquet tighter until the paramedics got there. As she recounted the story to me, she joked, ” I guess all those House episodes I watched, have paid off!”

Here are two busy middle aged professional people who took the time to do the right thing. What struck me about this is that others have heralded them as heroes. Yes, it is heroic to choose altruism over self concerns but it made me think, has the bar been lowered so much on our humanity that when we choose to be the good samaritan it is seen as extraordinary? In many tribal cultures, they would look at us strangely for this. In those cultures, reaching out to anyone in need is quite ordinary and reasonable.

In the last chapter of my new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon I address the idea that once we master the fear of change and learn to adapt more easily to it, we can move into becoming an agent of change. I included a lot of data that suggests that acting altruistically is not only good for your immune system ( which it is), increases dopamine and endorphins ( which it does), but perhaps because of this is actually an evolutionary survival mechanism. Those who concern themselves for others, even when it is an inconvenience or a sacrifice, have the best shot at evolving. Historically, we know that selfish cultures die out but on a purely personal level, if you want to thrive in these difficult times, do something selfless for a complete stranger every day ( however small a gesture) and see your life transform. If we all take this on, the whole world will evolve but more importantly, you will end every day happier, I promise you.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a career coach, columnist, public speaker, and the recent author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive ( not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval

professional photo of The LQ Phenomenon

For those interested in the back story of writing this book and my writing process, I have included in my blog this interview with me by FascinatingAuthors.com

Fascinating Authors
Author Profile – Toni Galardi: The LifeQuake Phenomenon

Q: Why did you decide to write this book?

A: I wrote this book because I had gone through three near fatal experiences over the course of twenty years as a result of my fear of making big changes. I had conducted workshops and public speaking appearances and had observed that there was a viable roadmap for helping others negotiate change when cycles are over before they are forced to move due to crisis. This book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon is that seven stage body, mind, and spirit roadmap.

Q: Do you have any secret writing tips you’d like to share?

A: Find the time of day when you are most creative, stick to a schedule of writing every day, and then find an excellent editor to gvie you an objective perspective once you have finshed a first draft.

Q: Tell us a quirky or funny story about you!

A: In my public speaking appearances I give as an example how far we can go to avoid change in our irrational thinking and still, destiny will find us:

I had had a car accident, rear ended from behind pulling out of South Coast Plaza. Two days later, in a rental car, the brakes gave out on the 5-405 interchange in Orange County, my car went spinning like a top across 6 lanes of traffic and came to a standstill facing traffic. Miraculously, I was not hurt and did not cause any collisions despite being in the middle of Friday night traffic facing the wrong way.

Now, you would think this would give me pause to examine what might be going on in my life. Instead, I had family coming in from out of town two days later and when we ventured out in the rental car, I put my brother in charge of driving, I planted myself in the safest place in the car, between my mother and godmother in the middle of the back seat. As we ventured up the 405 together, five miles down the road, we were hit by a drunk driver and I re-injured my neck from the whiplash in the first accident. Upon arriving home, I called a colleague of mine whom I believed was very wise and asked him what he thought was going on. His response, although meant to be funny was right on – “God is pissed off.”

The truth in this was that when we ignore the signs it is time to change, our soul does whatever it needs to in order to get our attention, including magnetizing every car on the road to your back bumper to get you moving forward!

Q: Have you ever battled writer’s block? How do you deal with it?

A: Writer’s block comes to me mostly when I’m in burnout. I took the whole month of August off from writing because I was experiencing writer’s block. By taking time to fill the well back up again, I am able to return with the muse speaking to me quite easily now.

Q: What’s your favorite quote?

A: The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones that will give him no pain or trouble. ~Henry Miller

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. ~Ellen Glasgow

Q: Who inspires you the most?

A: Oprah Winfrey is my greatest living hero. A black woman who came from poverty, incest, and trauma and became not just the queen of the media but a wounded healer who shows us her struggle and her human-ness and continues to work with it while still giving her life to humanitarianism.

Ask the LifeQuake Doctor
October Column

Dear LifeQuake Doctor:
I am an addict but there is no anonymous program for me. I’m not addicted to the typical things like drugs, alcohol, or food. My addiction however, is far more crippling. Mine is affecting every area of my life: my career, my health, and my family. I’m addicted to procrastination. I procrastinate over deadlines at work, when and where to take vacations with my kids, committing to an exercise routine, you name it.
How do I get over this? It feels like a disease as incapacitating as alcoholism.
Desperate for a Breakthrough

Dear Reader:
First of all, let me just say that desperation is not necessarily a bad thing. As much as that feeling can make us do destructive things, it can also motivate us to take risks because we are fed up with the same old, same old fear. Yes, fear. Procrastination at its core is motivated by the fear of change. Psychologists and motivational speakers have all debated as to whether it is the fear of success or fear of failure at the root of this complex. I submit that it is both but that the deeper issue is the fear of loss. If I make this choice, it might be “the wrong one”.

Choosing also means dying to other choices: committing 100% to this decision. What if this decision takes me on a path into an unknown future that I’m not prepared for? Stagnation sucks but it is something you are familiar with, something you think you can control. The problem is that this is pure illusion because we are evolutionary beings. Survival of the fittest means those who can adapt to change. If we try to maintain the status quo when what our soul needs is to get healthy through exercise, advance yourself professionally, or take a vacation and rest, and we make no decisions, we invite a crisis and the decision is made for you. Of course, when we move forward through the trauma and drama of a crisis we don’t have to own responsibility for the after effects. We can think of ourselves as a victim and simply cope with the aftermath. We are a nation of procrastinators. If you look to all the warnings that we received about terrorist threats before 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina, we can see that this exists both personally and governmentally. I myself incurred three near death experiences over the course of twenty years every time I needed to make a change and did not listen to my intuition, so I understand this addiction. I would agree with you that it is an addiction because my definition is that addiction is whatever is between you and what you are really afraid of.

So, now that we are in the season of change where the leaves begin to change color as they die, it is a great time to celebrate and ritualize the death of this old habit.
Here are some tips:
1) Go back to your earliest memory of a decision you made that didn’t turn out as you wanted. Was it trying out for sports, turning in a school assignment you had really worked hard on, or telling someone you had a crush on, that you liked them? As you recall this event, where do you feel the emotion in your body? Now, focus your breath on this spot. As you keep breathing into it, allow your body to surrender and receive your breath just as you would if you were stretching a muscle that was tight. As the feeling begins to change, notice what feeling is replacing it. Now think of a time that you committed to something 100% and it produced your desired effect. For example, you ate healthy and exercised and your body got stronger. Place that feeling of mastery in your non-dominant hand, the one you don’t’ write with. Take your hand and place it over the spot in your body that once held the fear of commitment. This will anchor that feeling.

2) Take one area of your life that you need to make a decision about that has the lowest level of anxiety connected to it. If you need to make a career change and have been dragging your feet because you don’t want to do the same thing you’ve been doing and you don’t know what you are passionate about, do one little thing like pay attention to everything you encounter in a day that produces great enthusiasm or even mild interest. Keep a journal of all of it. Risking change through deciding begins with experiencing a good feeling around low level change like just committing to observation.

3) Commit to 15 minutes a day of quiet contemplation. No tv, computer, or even reading. Sitting still and centering yourself through the breath work of step one from above and then asking the question of your intuition: what step would you have me take next? All you need to know is the next step. The answer may come right away or it may come spontaneously when you are doing something else like a house – hold chore or as you wake up from a dream. The key is to know that you don’t have to know the five year plan, just the next step. Healing the addiction to procrastination requires tolerance for the unknown future. If you focus just on the truth of the next step, you become more oriented toward the journey of life rather than an end goal. Remember, when you take your last breath on earth, your thoughts will be on did I give it my all, not, did I make all the right choices?
Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and the author of her new book: The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Dr. Galardi works by phone internationally with people in transition. For those seeking private consultation, she can be reached at 310.712.2600. To submit questions to Vision Magazine for “Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor”, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through her email address: DrToni@LifeQuake.net.