The LifeQuake Blog

Bail Out.  Webster defines this two ways: To obtain someone’s release. To post security. So I was thinking about what that might mean for ourselves. What would it mean to psychologically or even spiritually bail out ourselves?  Recently, a client came back to see me who had bailed her parents out by taking care of them both physically and financially for several months. The net effect of this was that she had practically bankrupted herself physically, emotionally and financially.

This got me to thinking about what does it mean “to post security or obtain someone else’s release” at the expense of your own and how prevalent is this as a sort of national personality tendency in the U.S.? I mean after all, the Statue of Liberty’s mission statement ( if she had one) set us up over 100 years ago to be pretty co-dependent, don’t you think? Listen to these words –
“give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”  Aren’t we Americans constantly bailing out somebody in the world?  So what would it mean if we made a daily practice of bailing out ourselves? Now, I don’t mean just eating right and actually using your gym membership. I mean what would it mean to actually check into your gut when someone asks you for a favor? What would it mean to check in with your heart when the school wants you to volunteer one more time when you are already overscheduled at work and church? What would it mean to check in with your bank account when your kids want to go out to eat and after all its’ Friday and you don’t want to cook anyway?  If the quantum physicists are correct and everything that happens to one, effects the whole, when we abandon ourselves to peer pressure, or guilt from our kids, there is a kind of emotional bankruptcy that translates into a national phenomenon. There’s a term in holistic medicine for adrenal burnout – ‘tired wired’. It is a well known fact that we are a sleep deprived nation so what is the effect of borrowing from the night and putting ourselves into long term energy debt? Is this a metaphor for the energy shortage of gas and fuel?

So my prescription for us all if we want to stop being forced to bail out the Wall Street titans is to stop overextending ourselves in our own lives first. That Reagan slogan for youth drug prevention “ Just say no” is fitting as we go into another recession. Say no to your kids, say no to your boss’ 70 hour work week demand, but most importantly say no to the voice in your head that is constantly pushing you to do more, more, more. Perhaps the gift inside this economic LifeQuake is that in cutting back our expenses, we’ll gear down the hyperactivity and actually be more present to life. I’m sure our nervous systems will be eternally grateful. And then maybe, just maybe we’ll get more sleep too…

Dr. Toni Galardi, author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval.

Many great writers have spoken and written about the challenges of choosing to become a writer as a vocational path. Making a comfortable living at it is practically like winning the lotto. Further, when you’ve been doing something else as a career that you were academically trained for and was able to support yourself doing, it really seems illogical. Then if you add in a bad economy, choosing to be an artist  without a patron or parents to support you, there are those who would say (like my aging parents) that as a career choice, it borders on psychotic.

The writer Marilyn Ferguson ( whose seminal work The Aquarian Conspiracy may have jump started The Human Potential Movement in the 70’s) once told me while I was interviewing her for my book many years ago, ” A writer writes because they cannot not do it.” I held onto those words  through the years of many rejections of my book proposals to New York publishers. When I finally decided to just write the book,  I realized I now had the freedom to write the book that was in me not the one that could be marketable, and it was liberating!

I kept my day job as a therapist part time and lived very simply. When it came time to edit the book, I knew I needed an editor to help me who could give it a major hair cut without losing the unique style that was my own. The good news bad news about that was that she told me we had to cut about 70 pages of material. She told me it would be like “killing my proverbial babies”. Very soon into the process I realized I had to let go of my practice for awhile to do this project with full commitment.

Two weeks after I made that decision and we had begun, Wall Street quaked and the reality of the country’s economic crisis really hit. I continued, encouraged that my book would come out at the perfect time. In the ensuing nine months I have spent a staggering amount of money on editing, self publishing, and PR for this book. As I turned my attention back to my private practice,it too was not so easy to restimulate. It is growing, but slowly. Is the book a bestseller yet? No, far from it. 

I now have to invest in internet marketing and am in a learning curve about social communities, SEO’s, guest blogging, etc  The point is I may never make a lucrative living as a writer and it has been costly and time consuming and in spite of all that, I have no regrets about embarking on this journey. In the past three years of writing consistently, I have become a writer not just an author and there is no way to put a dollar value on the emotional satisfaction of learning a new skill in mid life.

I took a week off and did no blogging, newsletter, article writing of any kind.I needed to refill the well but surprisingly, I felt a little guilty and more importantly, I missed it. Along the way of my quest to get this message of LifeQuake (that you can thrive in the midst of career transition, tough economic times and a life in total chaos) I got something for myself, a deep intimate relationship with my own words and the muse “from who knows where” who inspires me. What grace!

Dr. Toni Galardi is the author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. She is also a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and advice columnist. She can be reached through her website, http://www. LifeQuake.net or her office 310-712-2600.

In recent articles, I ‘ve written about the benefits of volunteerism as part of your life when you are in career transition so I won’t repeat myself here by talking about how giving back keeps you grounded and of purpose in a time of such uncertainty. So here are five tips for how to make this time “in between lives” a time of grace when the temptation is to feel like you are spiraling down into a professional no man’s land.

1) Whatever your normal exercise routine has been, put in its place for three weeks a practice of 20 minutes of walking in the morning and 20 minutes at night. Getting the blood moving into your brain and connecting your mind and body will keep your body agile and grounded when you can often feel a bit spaced out from the lack of structure. This in turn makes your brain agile.

2) Watch your caffeine and sugar consumption. The more alkaline your diet is with the help of leafy greens and a multi mineral vitamin, the less stress your brain will be under and the more creative you will be to entertain out of the box career strategies. I know I have spoken about this before but it bears repeating. Caffeine, sugar, and too much stress and worry create acid in the body. An acidic body is the perfect breeding ground for cancer.

3) Make a practice of taking 15 minutes a day to look at something you have judged about yourself. What is the strength of that trait? For one person, it might be their anger. How can you use your anger as a positive quality to create a new life purpose? Perhaps that might be to become a crusader of some cause or advocate. I know of a man who left his job at the height of his Wall Street success to take a position in an NPO with an 85% pay cut. He used his type A personality to get funding for a charity he believed in. For another person, it was that she’s an empathy, extremely sensitive and found working in a corporate environment very taxing so she started doing massage on the side and eventually left her job when she was able to support herself as a massage therapist. The key is to look at what you might have thought of as a weakness as the very core of your gifts to others.

4) On this same note, with compassion and gentleness, make a list of habits that are not serving you or allowing your highest potential to be expressed. Commit to changing just one at a time. As you master one, you will feel empowered to go on. When we are in the throws of a busy career, we don’t have time to look at ourselves and retool for creating better functioning. Here is the time to make changes that will benefit you when you are back in the workplace.
5) Before you get out of bed, count your blessings, as many as you can think of. Then ask yourself, how you could bring a piece of heaven into your limbo state today. If it means taking a walk in nature, do it. If there is a flavor of something that is heavenly, eat it with complete presence not as an intention of numbing out discontent or fear. Imagine a ray of light pouring like rain into the top of your head streaming down to the tips of your toes.

The time “in between” has been written about by shamans and sages. Many experience it as their time in the desert but even the desert when it gets enough rain, becomes covered in blooms in the Spring. Spring will come and you will be ready from the inside out.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a liciensed psychotherapist, public speaker, columnist, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive not Just Survive in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Dr. Galardi is doing an eight week group for those wishing to move into their best and highest potential. call 310-712-2600 to register. limited seating.

“Ask The LifeQuake Doctor” – Vision Magazine
June 2009 issue

Dear Dr. Toni:
I have an upper management job in a great company and am experiencing “survivor guilt”. So many of my friends have been laid off from their jobs. I get several calls a month or week asking for referrals for jobs or introductions to others — from friends, friends of friends, or former colleagues who may be desperately searching for work and are relying heavily on networking. But each person has only so much political capital to expend: When is ok to say no? How do you say no? When should you help? What kind of help is easy to provide, and what should you consider more carefully? How far should you go to help?
Peter J.
Dear Peter:
We are living in desperate times. According to the Bloomberg News last week, it is predicted that the third and fourth quarter of this year things could worsen. I believe that a positive function of a time like this is to bring us together. Americans reached out to help each other during the Great Depression and yet when we were in an economic boom during the 1950’s the black list became a guise for anti-semitism and prejudices of many kinds. People got scape-goated if they had an independent feeling about how the country was being run. I don’t think the focus at this juncture is to look at your political capital. The key is to use discernment as to whom to refer to whom.

Here are some tips:
1) Say no when you have history with the person asking for help as having put your reputation at risk in the past. ie., Poor work habits that led to them getting fired from a job you used your contacts for them to get.

2) Say no when they are asking you to refer them for something you know they are not qualified to apply for. Once again, using your resources judiciously.

3) Say no when, what they are asking for help on, will be in direct competition with a request you need to make of your contact in assisting you in your own career transition.
4) Say no if whom they want you to connect them with is not someone you have a close enough relationship with to justify making a recommendation and have it hold any weight. In other words, don’t pretend to know people intimately that you don’t really know and set up disappointment for someone desperate for work.

When it feels right to say no, do it directly, but with compassion.
If someone is calling you and are in desperate straights and have a family to support, and they are well qualified, do whatever you can to help them. Connecting people with each other always serves in the long run. If you put good karma out into the world, it will always come back to support you at a different time. In my book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon I write a whole chapter on the benefits psychologically, physically, and financially of acting altruistically as a matter of course. We are being called in these times to expand our resources to help one another, not to contract and hold on tightly to what we have. Generosity is its own reward. The key question is not what is strategically best but what does your gut wisdom tell you about whom to connect to whom.

Dear Dr. Toni:
I lost my job a few months ago and am going through what feels like a major transformation. Now that my old career identity is over, I notice that I don’t feel connected to my old friends. I also can’t afford the same social expenses they can. I am afraid to let go of these relationships because they are the only friends I have right now. How do I handle saying good-bye to people I don’t feel connected to anymore?
Dazed and Confused in Los Angeles

Dear D and C:
First of all, congratulations! I am not saying this cavalierly. It is important to mark this event with a celebration so you don’t spin out into fear. As your old identity is falling away, your old life is going to feel alien. There is new life forming, it’s just still underground in your psyche. That feeling of being in the desert is a powerful transition into fuller self expression and it takes courage to be naked and alone, so to speak. However, we are never left with a void for very long once we make authentic choices. Begin to explore going to social functions that are free of charge or have a nominal fee. Peruse the Los Angeles Times or Whole Life Times for events. Volunteer part time while you are job searching. People who volunteer their time may be the like-minded individuals you are seeking.

Be patient. I call this time in my book, “The Cosmic Barbecue”. Your ego may experience some discomfort when you are in between lives. It may be that you are being called to be in more internal exploration that you didn’t have time for while working in a career. I have lots of free articles on my blog that can also support a time a transition: http://www.LifeQuake.net/blog

Spend time in quiet every day and ask your inner wisdom to show you what your next step is. Once your career re-crystallizes, this time for befriending yourself you may never have the luxury for again.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and the author of her new book: The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Dr. Galardi is forming an eight week group this summer for those wanting to get unstuck from old habits. For those seeking private consultation, she can be reached at 310.712.2600. To submit questions for “Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor”, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr).

A journalist for The Los Angeles Times recently asked me if I thought volunteering for a non-profit organization could help a person in career transition or career burnout. I replied without hesitation, yes! Now there are the obvious ways it can help: networking at high ticket charity events, brownie points on your resume’ so you can substantiate just what you did with your time this year while you’re out of work, and if you’re just getting out of school or the mommy track, well, giving it away for free may be your only option to getting work experience for a beginning resume’.

However, in my new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon ( written prophetically before Wall Street quaked) I spend an entire chapter ( in fact, it’s the last chapter) extolling the benefits of altruism. Lest you think that volunteerism is just a good career move or humanitarianism in general, demonstrates self sacrifice, consider this:
1) Becoming an agent of change for the world’s greater good will elevate your self esteem rather you get a job or are viewed as the next Mother Teresa or not. A study was done with depressed college students who were put to work volunteering for six weeks. At the end of six weeks they took the same self inventory as they had at the beginning of the study. 75% reported a marked increase in their mood and attitude about life.
2) There are health benefits. Your immune system gets stronger through volunteer work. They measured T cells in HIV survivors before and after caring for home bound AIDS victims and T cells went way up.

3) The context you hold your life in will change. For example, after you’ve gotten over a bad cold or complaining about your aches and pains, visit a children’s oncology ward. Trust me, you’ll thank your body for how good it has been to you. Angry that you can’t eat lunch out like you did when you were making great money? Volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.

4) There are always people less fortunate than ourselves and volunteering can keep your self confidence up as well as change your value system while you are negotiating the white waters of career change.

5) Volunteering can improve your relationships. Generosity is infectious. The more generous you are with your heart to those in need, the more open to your loved ones needs you can become.

The way to make the most of your volunteer experience is to make sure it fits with what you really enjoy doing, that you don’t over commit yourself and feel burdened and resentful, and you have the attitude that you are getting back more than you are giving. If you really give 100% of yourself while you are there, you will receive a glowing recommendation from your supervisor and will get the greatest health benefit from feeling like you are making a difference not just using it as a strategy for resume building.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a psychotherapist, public speaker, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon. She can be reached through her website, http:www.LifeQuake.net or by calling her office at 310-712-2600.