By definition, a LifeQuake involves cracking open outdated beliefs and programs so that the organism can be authentically real. This relates to individuals, organizations, a society, and yes, even a holiday.

I propose we crack open Valentine’s day and expand out of this notion that it belongs to lovers. What if we were to make it a day for giving love, period? All kinds of love. Well, in order to truly experience this day with love, it begins with ourselves.

1)    instead of buying a box of chocolates that the cashier thinks is for your mate and then starting your day by sedating yourself with it,  stop at a juice bar and give yourself a smoothie chocked full of anti-oxidants. The energy it will give you will make you feel vibrant. As they say, each action begets the next action. With plenty of energy, you will feel empowered to go to the gym or do an exercise routine that will get your endorphins going.

2)    With this physical support, you will be brimming with self love. Buy yourself the flowers you would have wanted from a mate. I have found that most Valentines days that I spent in a romantic partnership, I was less than impressed by the posies brought to me by my beloved. I like yellow roses, white roses, and lavender roses, but I do not like red roses so buy them yourself.

3)     Call all your single friends and wish them Happy Cupid day. A phone call as novel as it may seem, far exceeds a text message or an email in extending a sincere holiday greeting.

4)    Call your mother or an elderly woman you know who doesn’t have a husband and make her day.

 5)    Make eye contact with strangers and extend the non-verbal universal sign of love – a smile. And then, do it again on Feb 15th, Feb 16th, Feb 17th, you get my drift…

A LifeQuakian Take on “True Love” on Valentine’s Day

Dear Dr. Toni:

Well, I survived the Christmas holidays as the only person at my family’s gathering who is single. If I can get through Valentine’s Day without the impulse to slit my wrists (that was a joke, I’m not suicidal), I can accept the fact that I am considered a second-class citizen as a single woman over forty. Do you have any suggestions for how to turn this around so I don’t feel so inferior to women who are married?

Single and Hating It

Dear Single:

What Valentine’s Day has become is a real travesty. February is the month traditionally assigned to celebrating love. The Greeks were a smart bunch. They had words to communicate the different types of love: eros for romantic love, agape for spiritual love, and philia for friendship love. When I researched the word for self-love, I discovered the word narzissismus, or narcissism, a term rampant with negative connotations. So the positive love of self has been a hard thing for many of us to grasp.

I would like to share with you and my readers the story of St. Valentine because it contains the essence of what we should be celebrating on Valentine’s Day. St. Valentine was not some legendary derivation of Cupid in human form; rather, he was a priest in the third century who, against the mandate of Emperor Claudius, was secretly performing marriage ceremonies. Claudius wanted to build an army and most men at that time did not want to leave their families to go off to war. St. Valentine disobeyed Claudius’ law and was arrested, clearly finding himself in a LifeQuake!  Andhe passed his crisis of faith with flying colors. Young people took up his cause, coming to the jail and throwing flowers and notes up to his window. The daughter of the prison guard kept his spirits upwith daily visits. On the day he was beheaded, February 14, he sent her a note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty, signing it,  “love from your Valentine.”

As you can see from this story, there were two kinds of love that St. Valentine was honoring: the love between a husband and wife in performing marriages and the love of friendship. This offers an interesting challenge to those of us who are single. In the LifeQuake model, we are called to dissolve old programs for living and reinvent ourselves to fit with who we are authentically, outside of the countless cultural and media messages. So let’s take up the cause of celebrating love at every opportunity throughout the day on February 14 this year. Give your love generously to everyone, strangers in the grocery store or dry cleaners included. Call your family. And most importantly, take a moment at the beginning and end of the day and send love out to the whole planetary family, setting an intention for example, that everyone have clean water and food in plentiful supply. Perhaps in taking this on for one day, you will feel so good by the end of the day, that you will want to do it again and again. If enough of us spend our days sharing our hearts, a global tipping point willbe reached and then all members of our planetary family can enjoy a time of great prosperity.

Dear Dr. Toni:

I have a stepchild whom I really struggle to like, much less love. He is very self-centered and never thinks of anyone else besides himself. Nonetheless, I love his father. What do I do?

Katherine

Dear Katherine:

Would you agree that we need to learn to love our enemies in order to end war on this planet? Okay, so everyone can probably think of someone in their family, workplace, or community that they just don’t like. These individuals are in our lives to help us learn how to heal—if we allow ourselves to see it, of course. If you unhook from your need to have your stepson be a certain way and just love him rather than judging him, it will liberate you.

Miracles can happen when we don’t give up on love.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr). For more tips on overcoming the fear of change and discovering your life’s purpose, Dr. Toni has a new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (Not Just Survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval, coming out February 27. For those seeking private consultation, she can be reached at 310.712.2600 or www.LifeQuake.net.